I've been separated from my wife for over 9 months now. I wish I could say it was getting easier, but it isn't.

I was a single dad for over 10 yrs. The biological mom (whom I have known for 20 yrs) came back into our lives (me and my son), 7 yrs ago after finding God. After getting married, she dropped a few bombs, such as telling me she married me for God, because God spoke to her and told her it would happen. Being told she wasn't attracted to me physically was also an extreme blow to the ego.

I got suckered in and should have known better. She turned our lives inside out and upside down, then left to go out of country and we haven't seen her for 6 months and she won't be coming back. She tried separating 3 times with me, then last summer I finally said lets take a break, work on ourselves and our issues, then in 1 year see where we stand. I guess I knew deep down it was a dream and subconsciously I was ending it, because once the door opened, she couldnt get away quick enough. She e-mailed me 3 weeks ago saying she wants divorce papers because she wants to get married and stay in Nepal. That threw me off big time.

I can deal with the fact that we didn't "make it" in our marriage, because she is Bi-Polar with narcissistic tendencies, but feel horribly that I allowed her to abandon our son again. She took off the first time when he was 18 months old, then again 6 months ago. I really did everything to try & make it work by making her and our family "my world" and it just blew up in everyone's face.

I entered into therapy 3.5 months ago, was told by my therapist to pick up Co-Dependent No More. It all hit me like a ton of bricks. I am 3 months attending CoDA, but am engaging in self-destructive behavior due to extremely low confidence / self-esteem issues. I isolate, escape through distraction and procrastinate doing the things I should be doing (like getting a job, getting on a schedule, exercising and setting a good example for my son). I have to put therapy on hold due to financial difficulties now. Not good.

My son is also in therapy and exhibits similar tendencies of a co-dependent (product of his environment). My son also needs to determine who he is & what he wants in life as many of "his" ambitions were imposed by my ex. He needs to figure out what kind of relationship he wants to have with his mom as he has not spoken to her for 5 months. It is too painful for him to deal with and he avoids it.

I know have to work on my steps in CoDA. I know I have to work on myself and my son needs to work out his own issues, but as a parent, the trap of codependent behavior is always there.

Boy, there are so many other issues, but my question and request for some helpful tips and advice is this.

1. How do I separate myself from my son and still be a good parent?
2. How do I stop obsessing over my ex and the past? (It is so terribly sad / frustrating & destructive to wake up every morning and her being the first thing I think of.)
3. How do I stop being so scared of life and finally start embracing it?

I have been told by several people that I have so much going for me and my life is now full of opportunities. Its one thing to hear it, or even say it out loud to yourself in the mirror, but it is another thing entirely to embrace it and fully believe it in your heart.

Sorry for the lengthy post. First time posting and there is a lot to say.