Just remember: running off into the sunset and being so in love like that is a fantasy. The real world doesn't work that way. People don't just "live happily ever after." Relationships take real work, on the part of both people. He's not willing to do the work for your relationship, therefore you don't have a workable relationship. Maybe in time he'll come to see that, but maybe not. Keep your focus on the reality of the situation. Better days are ahead for you if you keep looking forward.

You are going through a very difficult and sad time in your life, try2loveme. I am sorry.
Take good care of yourself, girl. I go to Al-Anon, because I have codependency.

With Love,
heathercliff

I admire how brave you're being & that you're resisting contacting him, even though you want to, because you are deciding to do what's right for you & to help you continue to heal.

I'm sure the time of year only compounds some of the romantic ideas about relationships too.

Stay strong. Keep looking after yourself. Even though you may feel terrible right now, you are already doing what it takes to get to feeling better...just keep doing it!

No, this is not an easy situation for any of us dealing with someone we love who has a problem with addiction. And it's OK to feel love for him BTW, just be clear on what that means on a healthy level and what that means to a codependent.

It seems to me that you love a lot of your "wishes". Your focusing on the way you want things to be instead of the way they are and that is very dangerous for YOU. Stay on top of YOU, including your behaviors, boundaries and inner self talk. All the wishing in the world, although completely understandable, is a waste of your precious energy that could be better utilized doing things that are good for you and not self tortuous.

Focusing on the way things we WANT them to be, instead of the way things actually ARE is exhausting, wasteful and most importantly futile.

Take care of you and let the ex take care of himself. Contacting him to let him know you saw him would serve what purpose? Think hard about that. Are you hoping that might shock or shame him out of this? Are you trying to manipulate his behavior by you actions? Is contacting him good for you?

Don't sabotage your own progress and need for sanity to do what you have always probably done before.... because I would guess it didn't work then either.

You have my understanding and support.

Thank you for the comments, it helps to have support. I am learning through this all to finally follow through w my boundaries. to heal myself so that I can live MY life. I never or almost never follow through w what I say, This was/is the first time I've delt w a relapsing drug addict or drug addict period. It was also a relationship that I pretty much begged him to take me back after he started dating someone else. I did not know he was using at the time or I may have thought different and by the time we were officially together again he was in the throws of whatever was going on (he lied and tried to keep the drug use a secret until I found needles and drugs in his bathroom). Before I really knew of the addiction, it was the first time I really tried to give myself to someone else. We would spend I'm assuming what time he was not shooting up, together, listening to music, going or watching movies, talking about life and where we wanted to be together. It was a challenge at times but seriously it was such a happy time when we were together. When I found the drugs, that's when things got shaky, I started therapy bc I was so distraught and didn't know what to do. He started therapy w me, we both went to meetings, I to alnon he to aa, we wrote in journals and tried to heal ourselves. But my flaw, I was still trying to heal him too, i thought i could make him better, that me not drinking and partying would help him stay healthy, but I was suspicious, bc as I read and heard stories, drug addiction ain't no joke, it's powerful and the care is not really very solid or expensive and recovery really is up to the addict, so many times almost always they relapse, which he did. I think and know the hard part was not only seeing his tear soaked face as I told him because of my boundary we would not be able to continue this relationship, it was that I wasn't ready myself to let go, we loved eachother, isn't that what marriages are made of "for better or worse, through sickness and health"? I felt like I was abandoning him. Abandoning our life together. But I'm sick too, I could see that I was as sick as he was, but my addiction is seemingly social acceptable. I did want to contact him to see if he was still lying, as if he wouldn't admit to seeing me bc he was doing something shady. But then I would be relapsing myself. I would be going right back to the thing I know best...try to live other peoples lives for them. I wanted to share to get support, which you all gave..,thank you for listening and being there for me, it helps, and also im forming what love for him is acceptable and that helps to know I don't have to not love him, I just have to love myself.

Hugs. Look at how strong you are. It's amazing how much you can love yourself if you spend as much focus on you personally. I know it's hard to believe right now, but things do get better and easier. A lot of us have been through it- so you aren't alone. Keep strong! Good vibes your way.

It's true that we make the commitment to be there "for better or worse," but the "worse" shouldn't come from the person you committed yourself to. It's meant for outside forces beyond your control. Addiction is not beyond your control (or rather, his). He can control it if he chooses to get help. You have to protect you first, before trying to help anyone else. We're always taught on airplanes to put our own oxygen mask on before assisting anyone else. Tough thing to learn and do, but that's how we grow from this codependency thing we have going on.