Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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Saying what I really think

Mars1212
Mars1212

So, I think many people, not all, avoid conflict-not all.  I personally don't like it.  Codependent people REALLY avoid it. This is not good because realistically it can't always be avoided. 


As per an earlier post, I attract aggressive people. In another set of friends I have a man who seems to be obsessed with me, he and this other man give me a hard time when everyone gets together. They are much older than me, probably my parents' age.  Other people seem to think their behavior is inappropriate too.


So at one of the get togethers, only one of the two men were there. (Thank God) He said: "Well my friend isn't here so we can't harass you."


Not caring to keep the peace anymore, please everyone and 'Look Good," I replied with a flat face: "I don't like it."


Yeah I know it made people uncomfortable and someone invited me to take a walk when I said that, but I really don't care.  Because, their behavior was making other people uncomfortable too. 


One of the women said that it kept happening because I never actively said or did anything about it. These women fought for women's rights back in the 60's and tell me that I need to speak up to the men. These men are older and their attitude toward women is not always positive. There are always comments on my appearance and weight.  This time it was: "Don't wear a mask, you're too pretty to wear a mask."


AKA, "The only important thing is how you look. That's all. Your looks are of primary importance." 


Anyway, I'm glad I said something.  With all the sexual harassment that goes on it is hella awkward and someone needs to fing say something!!!


Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
I agree that it's inappropriate and older people use it in order to take your power away from you, but you are not obligated to listen to it so why not just leave and go someplace where you can find peace. That'what I would do.

God Bless
finallyawakenow
finallyawakenow
I don’t see it as much as avoiding conflict as much as avoiding the fact that we tend to move in the same rut and that breaking the cycle is very uncomfortable even when it’s not a healthy situation. We keep doing the same thing because it’s familiar and that seems safer than changing.
The entire perception needs to shift…..
You deserve to be around healthy people. You don’t need these unhealthy people to feel less lonely. Break away and find people who respect themselves and you.
urbangardener
urbangardener
The world is full of difficult and unhappy people, attention seeking people, or insensitive people. I think the healthy thing is to think first if speaking up is helpful or not. In your party situation, speaking up for how you need to be treated is correct. Teaching these guys that they are crossing a boundary is correct. But while I say "teaching them", we also have to understand that we can't change others. So we say our piece and then they do what they want with it. Like finallyawkenow said, healthy people don't do this crap although many people are what I call attention seeking and do things to get attention. We had 2 women go politically nuts and not in a nice way about others at bookclub. I had to tell both that this was demeaning of others and not appropriate. One was obviously attention seeking and the other has such anxiety that she needs someone to hate and blame to feel better. But both I had to set limits with.
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