Have you read Conquering Shame and Codependency by Darlene Lancer? It has a lot of good exercises.

Codependent No More by Melanie Beatty changed my life. If you haven't read it - definitely pick it up!!! (((HUGS)))

I think i have read every book there is...
Thank you for the reminders x

Your post was really raw and touching, and I can totally relate. I am in a similar place right now in trying to figure out what next to do in my life. I struggle with co-dependent issues and anxiety and trusting myself and my own judgments and am an easy target for narcissists. To some degree I've gotten a bit better but it's still a struggle. I think what my issue is is that I don't stick with the recovery part enough. I think what you're doing by coming here on a regular basis is a good thing, because you're getting support and affirmation from people who KNOW where you're coming from, when usually it's a matter of giving giving giving to other people. Here you are taking care of yourself--you are giving yourself permission to be truly accepted for who you are.

Keep coming here--keep connected. I think that's important. I've been coming here regularly and have additionally started journalizing openly to get feedback from other members of my friends circle--I think that's a key point as well, at least according to Robin Norwood. Of course we know all this shiz, it's just that it's an addiction of course, being with these cranky, surly men. God. I have a friend who finds nice, dependable men the most boring thing in the world so yes, therapy is surely required in no longer being hooked into these selfish, selfish men. I suspect taking the time to take care of ourselves is the first step.

Sending you love xo

Thank you artgrrl, we used to chat on the WWLTM forum a few years ago.
I made a decision to focus on being happy in the relationship so I didn't come on here for a while, I thought maybe the fact that I was focussing on all the negative bits wasn't helping.
It was okay for a while. Well lets face it, it actually wasn't, but by not thinking too hard about what was going on it was more bearable. But it was more confusing.
I am working with Womens Aid now, I am hopeful about that. They have courses and support people who can help you.
I have made a tentative decision that I will go solo for a while but I know I will want to seek out a relationship. I like sex, I like being part of something and I like someone caring about me. But I know it is at that point that it all goes horribly wrong! For a start I choose guys who are happy to control everything. I used to see it as manly and strong. But now I have a different view. I need a different view.
My life has been a string of abusive relationships. I have never had a healthy one, or been loved I don't think. My parents are always saying they can't understand how I got so f***ked up. Their attitude is something to do with my emotional health too but I am now responsible.
Im 50 next year, Im tired of all the drama and the effort. I need to change, and I will. x

I thought this was WWLTM lol. But yes the two groups are similar in the sense that we tend to deal with Codependency issues. I remember that we both tended to have similar tastes in men, the controlling, take-charge type who also had the other awful tendencies of being surly and self-centred. It sounds like you are moving forward and I am happy for you. I have recently discovered attachment theory in how it relates to romantic relationships, and it has made the most sense to me so far in the different attachment types. Essentially I am an insecure-anxious attachment type and I tend to hook-up with avoidant-dismissive types; this type of pairing is actually quite common as there is a magnetic pull between these two types. But it is a disastrous pairing, as the avoidant-dismissive is unable to support the needs of the insecure-anxious. They can't support the needs of anyone, for that matter, they are too consumed with themselves lol. The most successful type of pairing for the insecure-anxious type is a secure--but we tend to find them boring, initially at least. If we can hang on and become more secure in our relationship with ourselves, however, this will change. I am hoping to become more secure.

Here's wishing you a bright and beautiful future--I will be 50 in January, and I am hoping the next 50 years will be full of happiness.

I have read about attachment types just a few days ago, im also 'insecure/anxious' type. It explains a lot. Really interesting though. Thanks Artgrrl!