yup, same thing for me. It is a struggle. I would so the same as you except that after about 4 or 5 yrs working for one place I would start to get resentful (also get really bored) and usually get into destructive patterns and so either get self destructive or angry. Either way that job would be gone. I was a too loyal employee and perfextionist but the last two jobs I managed to leave on good terms (no more burning bridges) Last boss told me he had to hire two people to do what I was doing and I hadn't thought I worked hard enough!!! Not sure what the answer is, I try to be aware and purposefully have tried to notice when the 'patterns' are starting. (once aware we can do something if we are willing to change) don't know if this helps at all
hugs

Hi amelah, yes I can relate to where you are at. And yes, the more you can go to the library and find books that will give you some kind of test to help you assess what type of job you are really cut out for, the more you will know what your "ideal" type of job and work atmosphere is. But I have also been where you are now in needing to find a job yesterday, so I am going to suggest something that I hope will make some sense to you. Sometimes in my life, I had to look at it as a two-step process. Okay, over here is my ideal situation, but right now, what parameters can I set for myself so that I can find a job that is enough within my comfort zone that it will at least be manageable while I figure out what my ideal situation is? For example, one thing I learned early on about myself is that I have no tolerance for working in a cubicle or anywhere that I need to have close interaction with either my coworkers or my superiors. This realization helped me to find work that I could at least live with while I was looking for my ideal situation. Granted, I did some jobs that totally sucked, and I hope I never need to do again. But at least it gave me a starting point, and by protecting myself from situations that are prone to being abusive to me, I could at least get through until I found something that fits me more to a "T". I hope this helps, amelah, and that you will soon be able to find more income for yourself. Yes, you need it and deserve it! :)
Hugs, JenLeslie

I keep doing jobs that are supposed to be "temporary" -- ha ha. They deplete my energy to the point that I can't even summon the energy to look for another (crap) job.

I am a very hard worker, a perfectionist, and don't like to leave any of my work unfinished. When I leave a job, I always leave a set of easy, friendly-user instructions for whomever is replacing me... because it's daunting enough to start a job, but not know where to start. I think of it as being considerate. I'm sure this reads as control-issues, though.

Problem is, I have never left a job for another job. I burn out. I get resentful and angry (as you mention, Arbe) and basically throw in my notice and try not to run from the building screaming. This last job, I overstayed my welcome and got fired. That was over 2 years ago. My "burnout" is serious. I'm not that resilient. Especially when it comes to getting back out there only to do more of the same drudgery where I feel beat up, dumped on and disrespected.

That's why I'm asking about the correlation between jobs and codependency. Because I just described my entire childhood in that last sentence of that previous paragraph.

And then there's a little problem with zero self-esteem.

I'm so screwed.

for sure...I see the connection between job and codep' I think we need to 'fix' the codep pattern and the job 'shouldn't be such a burn out. I was thinking back to various jobs and codep patterns...lots of instances. I would not work on a day I was fighting with my partner, i would be obsessing about the fight to the point I didn't think I could function at my job. I'm sure some of my stress was due to my codep patterns on the job...being perfect,etc. I quit some jobs because I let myself get so stressed out with some people. One of my first jobs I threw a 'tantrum' about having to do something different! Now, I see why people let me go first when it was slow. I did work at improving that aspect as did become a valed employee but I still have other patterns that cause me and others grief at work. Still nervous about making mistakes, people watching me. I'm not sure if my rambling is any help?
hugs
arbe

Hi,

I can relate to the overachiever part. And not moving on, just staying loyal because I want to be the "good" and "perfect" employee. I was only laid-off once and I was the last to go in the department, because I would do whatever, and really, when I look back, I did ridiculous things to be flexible. The balance was missing. Everything was all about the job. It was not good.

Shar

I appreciate everyone's insights and experiences. I need to figure out how to not get destroyed by toxic workplaces, or rather: toxic me, since I can choose to respond differently and not get wiped out by people who I don't get along with. Seems to happen wherever I go. It's like I leave a trail of fire behind. Is my ass on fire ?