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psycho sister weekend

sassybabe11
sassybabe11
family gathering for all to spend time with sick sister and i am dreading it. the one thats not sick has been on a role about all that she does and what the sick one should be doing and not doing. it will be a big party with alot of heavy drinking and am sure she will be crying and talking about herself non stop once the alcohol takes over. i will not let them make me petty or selfish- as i am not. i will not let them make me feel just tolerated- i will politely leave. if i do not feel comfortable i will leave without feeling guilty. i have to work on my resentments and anger and outright disgust for a few of these family members. i have come a long way on my journey to detach and protect my inner child from there abusive and hurtful behaviors and statements. i am trying not to backslide. i plan to not go till later today 6pm maybe, with my brother and SO who are supportive of me. i will not be the shoulder for a drunk sister to cry on and wail and call attention to herself. i will love myself and try to make sure that my words dont have an alternative motive or meant to be hurtful or expose my negative feelings as they are not a concern to them and saying my true feeling only results in me feeling badly about myself. i have tried to express my concerns with our relationships before and it is just ignored or critized. i feel much better even just posting this as i may even print this and stick in my purse to read if i start to feel stressed. appreciate any comments or thoughts on how others deal with these things and come out feeling ok
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would not go. It sounds like an unsafe environment. So I wrote off my family at an early age and anyone else who creeps me out. Glad you have supportive people in your life. Just talking to people not in recovery can cause me to think negatively and I feel like I'm back at the start of my journey, although intellectually I know I'm not. When anyone tries to triangle me, I won't play. Sister is playing roles of victim victim and oppressor. Your special sister's needs are probably not known to the one who chooses to care for her. My opinion is that it is between the two of them. When people pull you into a 3rd role, autonomy is lost.
LeafOnTheWind
LeafOnTheWind
Good luck to you sassy, and I love the idea of you printing this out and popping it in your purse and taking it with you, sounds like a great idea.

I have also stepped back from my family but still go to some things that maybe I am just not strong enough yet to decline, or maybe sometimes there are going to be other people there that I do want to spend time with so will go to be with them. It sounds like you are doing so well with not taking their treatment of you personally, that is something that has made such a difference for me at family gatherings. That one realisation: "THE WAY THEY TREAT ME IS NOT AN INDICATOR OF MY WORTH AS A PERSON" has had a huge impact on how I deal with certain family members. Mind you, the need to remind myself of this is constant.

I don't know if this is the codependent coming out in me or what but sassy, I am just so proud of you and so glad to hear of the progress that you have made with your dealings with your family. You are doing what you need to do to make this event as easy on yourself as possible- gathering supportive people, limiting time there, taking little inspirational reminders in your purse, and you can leave whenever you want to or whenever you start to feel uncomfortable, good job. Wishing you all the best with the gathering and keep us posted.

And mirto- it is great to see you back. I haven't seen you around in ages and it is nice to see you again!
sassybabe11
sassybabe11
glad 2 see you back also mirto. thanks for the comments choosing to go to pool this afternoon and finish my book and then go down for a visit later. few hours of the drama are enough for me.
sassybabe11
sassybabe11
well i got verbally assulted by my sister. said that i am a f bitch, self centered, that no one like me and they all know what i am and how petty and was yelling at me to leave her house and how that it is always all about me and how she was there for me always ( not true) and now i am not there for her and sick sister. it was really terrible. i said you dont even know me and told her that she was just a dumb f bitch also. it was brutal and i am wounded and must stay away and go on and not let here ver talk to me like that. i know that i am not what she says and that she is just crazy and was very drunk
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sorry for the rough time you experienced. Didn't realize the affair would be at her house. A crazy, lying, drunk martyr. Not O.K. for her to speak that way to you. Glad you called her on it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ugh! Family drama sucks! Good for you for getting out of there. Sounds like you made your point. I would avoid her at all costs while dealing with sick sister. Wow.
amelah
amelah
my psycho sister week is just beginning. Pray for me. :(
hbgdaystar
hbgdaystar
Its rough spot... When i know people place things are unhealthy i try to avoid it as much ... With family its tough... Limiting the time is best bet i guess ...

Know that Someone elses opinion of you is not the Truth. I know you feel wounded. Try to take care of yourself. Look into what your inner child needs now.

Amelah - Good luck...This is what i usually try to get out of dysfunctional situations -What can i learn out of this..
LeafOnTheWind
LeafOnTheWind
I'm so sorry, sassy. I hope you take care and feel better soon. Keep reminding yourself of the great things you have learnt lately- that you are good enough just as you are, that you don't need to please anyone, and that you deserve so much more from people than abuse and nastiness. Big hug to you.
sassybabe11
sassybabe11
as hard as it might sound I'm glad that she did what she did I no longer feel that something is wrong and not know what is the hostilityI felt around them was real I it's been a real eye opener to realize that they again over or would say how much they loved me but I knew their actions did not answer words and it's really clear now.
sassybabe11
sassybabe11
amelah, how did you psycho sister encounter go? thinking about u. my last posting was a spoken text so it made no sense - what i meant was i felt hostility when i was around family but all i would hear is how much they love me. actions and words did not match. so i did learn something from the assault. she immediately apoligized the next am and has been over bearingly sweet and trying to make plans with me and its really over the top. not falling for it. accepting the kindness for what it is and continuing my detachment from toxic people. i know that i dont have to have total no contact any longer but still limiting time and very low expectations from them. my sisters are for sure so self centered that they cant even see it. they expect me to play my role which is - stay on the outskirts and avalaible as needed for what they need. but remember that you are the stuck up petty one that thinks that she should be treated as we treat each other (other sisters). i think that part of the outburst had to do with my detaching and distancing myself and not being needy of them. she want everyone needing her and avaliable at the drop of a hat and i am not that
sassybabe11
sassybabe11
when we change others react to it. i have not been playing the part that was designated to me by my sisters for a few months and this causes hostility and resentment from those that expect us to play our part. last night i stopped by to get my birthday presents from them and l my pyscho sister talked about was herself and what she was doing for sick sister and what everyone else in the family was doing for sick sister and the arrangements that she is making to be more avaliable to her and how she is not going to drink so much anymore and talking about past times when we all got along and you know i just did not as i said before fall for it. kept my emotional distance and kept in mind that i was speaking with a very messed up person. thanks for listening
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow, good for you! If you keep those boundaries up you'll feel better down the road. If you can take a step back and look, you'll see how messed up some people are. It's much easier to deal with them when you realize they have issues, that it's not you. I'm sure she's very frustrated with you now and will probably try to lash out in other ways. Just keep your distance as much as possible.
sassybabe11
sassybabe11
cheryl, you are right. i plan to keep my dustance. i do not like either one of them really. it took me alone time and alot of work to get to this point as i wanted to fall back into how important family is and that being part of the dysfuction is just part of it. but i am really over it. not taking the bait anymore and not comfortable any more around them. never was comfortable but no it is a discomfort that makes me not want to try harder to be accepted but is a discomfort that makes me want to stay away and protect my feelings and inner child from some messed up people. i am so proud of myself i have to say for the progess i have made in taking care of me and finally realizing that i cant be a part of this family crap anymore
deleted_user
deleted_user
I get it. We're taught at an early age that family is everything, and we should all be there for each other. But some families are just messed up. We can't change that, but we can change our interactions with them. Just have to look elsewhere for support. That's a hard thing to take in. Family is supposed to be there for you when no one else is. But some families just don't work that way. Good for you for recognizing that.