Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Hi everyone:) thankyou for taking the time to read my post, I would love to know your thoughts.
I want to know if I am co dependent or not.
When I get really stressed out, I rely on talking to friends and family to help me sort out my feelings.
I feel a very strong need to help others all the time. I think that if I am not putting 150% into everything (work, study, partner, family) then I am not worthy and ppl wont appreciate me.
I put in so much energy to others that I burn myself out and then I wonder why when I need them, they arnt coming to help me
Once I have debriefed to someone close, then I am fine, but I need help in sorting out and understanding where I am in the scheme of things. Sometimes I just need reassurance and a little guidance and this is what I mean by support.
I have been giving everything to my partner, she has needed help and support and I have given it, in every way I can. (Helping her decide on wht she wants to do with her life, helping her with her daughter, listening to her and giving her massages when she is stressed....
But then I expect support back from her when I am not 100% mentally (I have a history of anxiety and depression) and my partner says I should just go and deal with it myself and come back to her when I am ok. I said that thats not what a relationship is: I thought you lean on each other when you need help and support. I thought you stick together in sickness and in health. She says thats outdated and she says that she doesnt want 'that level of dependency' in a relationship and just wants the good times.
I said that thats not a relationship, and I cant be in a relationship where I am only accepted when I am healthy and happy because everyone has bad times. She said she doesnt know how to deal with my mental issues (Which resurface rarely I might add), but what she can do to help is cook me dinner, or make a coffee (acts of service) and tell me she loves me.
Am I expecting too much? Am I co dependent? Should I be expected to go away and sort it out myself?
I want to know if I am co dependent or not.
When I get really stressed out, I rely on talking to friends and family to help me sort out my feelings.
I feel a very strong need to help others all the time. I think that if I am not putting 150% into everything (work, study, partner, family) then I am not worthy and ppl wont appreciate me.
I put in so much energy to others that I burn myself out and then I wonder why when I need them, they arnt coming to help me
Once I have debriefed to someone close, then I am fine, but I need help in sorting out and understanding where I am in the scheme of things. Sometimes I just need reassurance and a little guidance and this is what I mean by support.
I have been giving everything to my partner, she has needed help and support and I have given it, in every way I can. (Helping her decide on wht she wants to do with her life, helping her with her daughter, listening to her and giving her massages when she is stressed....
But then I expect support back from her when I am not 100% mentally (I have a history of anxiety and depression) and my partner says I should just go and deal with it myself and come back to her when I am ok. I said that thats not what a relationship is: I thought you lean on each other when you need help and support. I thought you stick together in sickness and in health. She says thats outdated and she says that she doesnt want 'that level of dependency' in a relationship and just wants the good times.
I said that thats not a relationship, and I cant be in a relationship where I am only accepted when I am healthy and happy because everyone has bad times. She said she doesnt know how to deal with my mental issues (Which resurface rarely I might add), but what she can do to help is cook me dinner, or make a coffee (acts of service) and tell me she loves me.
Am I expecting too much? Am I co dependent? Should I be expected to go away and sort it out myself?
I think you have to judge about your codependency (or lack of). Coda has a list of traits of codependent behavior that might help you.
http://www.coda.org/
Personally, I think that there has to be some emotional support in a close relationship or it would not work for me. However, sometimes, when I just needed an ear, I found it was better to go to my sister or a friend than to my husband. When it was something serious, my husband would listen and be sympathetic. When I was upset by someone's behavior and my response to it, I found it better to go elsewhere to vent. So, I guess this means it depends on you. I think a partner should be a best friend and someone who should support you emotionally. You have to decide what you are willing to accept in your relationship, though. Good luck.