My ex is bi-polar, and I found when he was depressed, it totally drained me. I ended up so negative at times it was awful. So yes, you can definitely absorb their mood, and I think the best thing when they get like that is to just walk away and go do something you love to do. Go to your *Happy Place* to keep yourself from the insanity. We all need to learn to look after ourselves first. We have to be number one. It maybe sounds selfish, but I found it's the truth for what worked for me.

I have the same problem. If my wife is in a bad mood or in a good mood, my mood has normally done the same thing. I've read Codependent No More and skimmed back through it. Also, this forum has given me lots of hope and peace.

One of the patterns and characteristics of codependency is "feeling the same" as the people I care about. There is a difference between healthy empathy and feeling sad just because someone else is sad, or angry because someone else is angry.

My suggestion is to get involved in a support group that will help you identify and nurture your true self, so that your feelings become authentically yours and you do not pick up feelings that do not belong to you. Usually, when I did that, it helped ;me feel less helpless, but it is a delusion. You can be happier than those around you. Someone else's depression, mental disorder, anger, disappointment or pain is theirs and belongs to them to address. You can actually be more helpful by maintaining your own inner boundaries, so that you don't merge with them and get dragged down along with them. 12-step programs are immensely helpful to address this problem for codependents.

My sponsor used to tell me that if I didn't cause it - I can't cure it - talking about other people's feelings.

Rarely do we cause how someone else feels - I think learning how to create boundaries and not take on other people's issues helps.

For me - if I start taking on how others feel - I end up feeling totally responsible for that person and I can't afford to do that - because then I feel guilty if their life isn't perfect - and guilt is a killer.

This is a great thread for me right now! I cannot seem to break free from absorbing my husband's mood...I am trying to be myself, but I have done this absorbing for so long it is like I have forgotten how to be myself. There are some great suggestions here...thanks!!

From what I have learned so far, I can say that I was in relationships with others who were people who used______________(you fill in the blank - sex, alcohol, drugs etc.) My drug of choice was other people. I can relate to what you said about "absorbing your husband's moods." It's ok to care about another person and see where they are coming from but it is self destructive to get pulled into the vortex. I must remind myself that I have choices. I can tell myself new thoughts, I can go for a walk, I can spend time at the spa, do yoga, take a bath, read a book. Louise Hay's "You can Heal Your Life, " is a great book and video. I highly recommend the video then read the book. I benefitted from it because she helped me see my own negative thoughts for what they were. We can change our thoughts and there fore change our lives.

Daily affirmations are sayings that at first you repeat in your head or aloud. Over time they become part of your regular thought process. For instance you might say "I love and approve of myself." At first it doesn't sound right - say it anyway. I would say a a hundred times a day. Then I followed up by noticing the things I loved and approved about myself. I would then do more things that supported this new thought.

What has been most helpful for is teh anxious thoughts. I notice that when I am nervous or absorbing others' moods that I am more aware now. I will stop in mid self criticism and say "Wait, that is not true. I am not stupid. I am a smart person who happened to make a mistake."

Louise Hay also has a website with a new affirmation everyday, books, and a Q & A section. check it out.