Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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thinkingtoomuch 10/02/2016

I've always just thought I suffered from high anxiety and bi-polar depression.. But it was never quite the same definition of any one else's anxiety. And it seems to happen primarily when I am in a relationship. My mom recently suggested I look up codependency. The more I read the more it makes sense.

I grew up with a mixed family. A lot of fighting, depression, drug addiction, etc. My dad was violently killed when I was 15. I always thought my attachment issues while in relationships were because I was looking for a masculine figure that I no longer have in my life.

I seem to always date men with narcissistic qualities. I begin to develop self confidence issues that I don't seem to have when I am single. After a while of dating someone I also develop a lot of mistrust. I never quite know if it is because of my own anxieties or something they are doing. However; it always seems to end with them cheating on me or admitting they've been using me.

The man I'm dating now I am completely happy with. When I'm with him. The moment I'm not, I start to get anxiety over who he is talking to, what he is doing, what is on his mind. We'll get in a fight about something and solve the issue that same day, we'll talk it out and have the rest of the night together with no problems. Then I'll go a day with out him and start to doubt everything. Even though I was fine the day before.

I just don't understand why my mind does this to me. I feel like I'm constantly creating problems that aren't there. Or they are there and I'm in denial over them, because I don't want to be alone. It seems to be happening more frequently. I get anxiety attacks over his true feelings for me when he is not around.

mirandac 10/02/2016

Do you take any meds? Many with BP do well
When they take the meds. I really dont know
Much about BP, some seem do okay others don't.

So many people are just a mix of the same stuff
I come from dysfunction, alcoholism, narc traits
And i am codie to some degree. I find my heart
Is where my trouble is. Getting at the inner child.

Do you think CODA or alanon meetings would
Help you? I love alanon, its not for everyone. Its
A spiritual program. HUGS

thinkingtoomuch 10/02/2016

I don't take meds. I've seen my sisters and my mom go through the process of meds and I've decided against it. I'm trying more natural approaches. If that is a thing. There is a CODA meeting near me that I may try out. My heart is most definitely where my trouble is. I love very strongly and have trouble helping my self more than I help others.

mirandac 10/02/2016

Well give it a shot, there is no close by coda mtg
To me and i belong in alanon anyway. Its a great
Program, i just sat, listened and absorbed for a
Long time.

I did not say much and you dont need To until
you are ready. There is no cross talk, it Takes
awhile to catch on. Its about you really, no One
else. You can only fix yourself. HUGS

thinkingtoomuch 10/02/2016

<3 Thank you for your quick reply and support.

mirandac 10/02/2016

You should watch lisa romano tapes on youtube
She is great. There are tons of free ones, she also
Has a coaching program. Ross rosenberg is great.
He writes books and talks.

Melodie Beattie is the Queen of codependency,
someone said her work Book is good. I think her
Book is codependent no more, i love her reading
Book language of letting go its very much the same
As alanon just a little softer. Its a daily reader.

Coda should have literature to buy, HUGS

phoenixrising16 10/03/2016

Hi friend, I understand some of where you're coming from.. I also suffer from bi-polar, and anxiety, and my episodes are usually brought on by stress within a relationship. I would say to you, that it sounds like you're getting into a self-feeding cycle of anxiety about having anxiety within the relationship. I think it would be helpful to validate your feelings without any sense of judgement. It sounds like you've had a very hurtful past, and it's normal to feel all sorts of insecurities. And perhaps because you're afraid that you'll lose him over your insecurities, you're trying to repress them, or you start to feel horrible about them, which probably makes you feel worse. I go through these sort of spells too, and I'm also a big over-thinker, which usually is very self-focused, rather than look into what is making me uncomfortable in the relationship and start a conversation about my boundaries, I look at ways that I can make it easier for them to love me, which I am on a journey to change now. Perhaps I'm off-base, but this might be something you can relate to as well.

As for the meds things, I totally understand where you're coming from too. Recently I was recommended for a group therapy that focuses on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, my doctor wants me to try this for a few months because he says it has proven to be as effective as medication for mood disorders and anxiety.

mirandac 10/03/2016

Phoenix, do CODA or alanon meetings help
People with bi polar disorder? HUGS

phoenixrising16 10/03/2016

It can, but I think it depends on the situation... in my case, I am codependent as well as bipolar.. so it does help for sure, because like I said, my episodes are brought on by stress, and relationship stress (because of my codependency) seems to cause me the most distress.

thinkingtoomuch 10/03/2016

Pheonix, that was spot on. Thank you. I've never been able to put it into words quite that well. But you're exactly right. Thank you HUGS

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