Hi,

It sounds like she is having a hard time with you standing up for yourself. Lots of people like us to be in the codependent role - especially if we are people pleasers. I think we all do things that we would not necessarily choose, because of our daily responsibilities, etc. I mean who hasn't done that - we all compromise in relationships.

But making choices for yourself, especially with free time or if you have other plans - IMO you are doing the right thing. Taking care of self is not a negative kind of selfish. It is self-care and self-love which for many of us has been a long-time coming.

It sounds like she is trying to manipulate you with guilt or put-downs now because she is not having her way. But, it is an adjustment for all of our relationships when we start sticking up for ourselves. You are doing great. :-)

Hugs,

Shar

Wow! A bit of an over-reaction I would say. Good for you for not taking the bait and changing your mind.

Thanks Shar and cherylt

It absolutely threw me off these messages coming from a person i thought i knew. May be a bad day for her, Yet i am not ready to take back anything . In fact time for me to put boundaries in friendship. Not regretting or guiltily of anything. Just this anger after that conversation needs some positive way of dealing.

What I think is unfortunate is that she is almosst criticizing you for your codependency - like she is discounting it and making it see like you are "hiding" behind it. You confided in her and looked to her for support during your time of healing and its like she is not getting her way so she's throwing it in your face .... that's mean.

Sounds like your friend is being the selfish one. Having a temper tantrum because you have others plans?? That is nuts!

IM saying WOW..... I had befiended a lady who had a much larger income then I , yet she took aliken to me and her firends were fun people.. going to trips to Mexico and music festivals mountain camping ect.... well being I did not have the money to go yet was offerd the open seat free ride , I got my tickets and had my own food but being gretful I helped set up camp and my main girl friend I ened up setting up the whole kitchen her tent my tent baby sat kids when I thought about ti and when I was down no one came around.... after 4 years I became her servant I was no longer her greatful friend... one day I said no to giving my one and only piece of cake at the festival,,,,,,, Ohh how dare I say no after all shes done for me..... monde you I did things her "freinds never show up to do" well after being away for some time I relized I even let so called friends take my kindness for weakness and its better I just take my time with people Im so nieve......... so careful and payattention to whats going on around you and why you do what you do and who your doing things for......the positive thing for me is IM closer and spending more time with my daughter

I too have to be careful not to let my couple of friends that I have cross boundries and make me feel uncomforable. Sometimes lately feel like I'm being used as an "extra" person to go out with until one of them hooks up with someone. Then I'm discarded and left to fend for myself, even though I'm in a very vulnerable position right now. This just happened to me last weekend, and the more I think about it the angrier I get (not really made, but kind of peeved). Just have to be careful.

I recognized that i was angry with her couldn't sleep all night long ( codependent emotional patterns) .This morning i have decided to detach with the whole thought and leave the communication we had right there and move on and yes i am doing good. I will not forget the incident but i definitely forgave her and let it go. As soon as i have done that there was peace and relaxed mind.

Values - check
Boundaries - check,
Peace - check
Thoughts - check
Feelings - check

I am doing good. wish only i could recover quicker :-)