Hi,

I have not read the book, so I do not know what is being proposed for a solution. I will say this about myself, codependency and so-called niceness. Part of my belief system at one time was that nice people do not say "no" (they comply to requests). And I would often take on things that I did not want to do.

So, that IMO is being "too nice" because my own desires were secondary to anyone's requests, even when I did not wish to do it. I think the balance is to honor yourself and your own desires first, In other words, when I was always operating from a place of pleasing others at the expense of pleasing myself, I was not a happy camper inside. (Although I sure was labeled as nice, agreeable, etc.)

And I would suggest that anyone who is "too nice" meaning that they do not refuse requests, even when most of the time they would prefer to, are probably operating as a people-pleaser/codependent. I think they are pretty much the same thing.

If I am doing something because I want to, or if I am choosing to do something that might not be my first pick, but to support someone else and it is an honest, deliberate choice, not a forced, guilt-induced choice, then I think I am operating from a more balanced place.

Shari