Wow I admire you so much for having the courage to kick out your husband and do some that has made your son feel happier than he has been in a long time. Your son is lucky is have you.

I do understand the feeling great followed by grief thing. I’m in the process of emotionally detaching from my partner and when I unhooked that first attachment which was my feeling that I owed him and was responsible for his happiness I was giddy with that feeling of strength and independence. Then the grief and overwhelming sadness kicked in and I’m still dealing with it. Letting go of someone you love(d) is SO BLOODY painful! It is hard to stay strong. Good on you for reaching out for support to stay strong. I hope there’s an alanon or CODA group that you can go to. I went to my first meeting this past week and the support was amazing.

Wishing you and your son the best.

Thanks for your kind words!

It helps to know that what I am feeling is "normal" or at least that someone out there understands what I am going through. Thanks!

Did you like the meeting? I have been thinking about attending one, but I am really nervous!

I’m so glad everyone here told me to go the meetings. It was my first meeting and it won’t solve things right away or give you great insight immediately but the people were SO supportive and made me feel less alone. I understand being nervous. In my case I was so overwhelmed at the beginning of the meeting that I had to run to the washroom and sob my eyes out. They understood. Other people were crying and it was okay. I hope if you go your meeting will be like mine where you won’t feel shame. You don’t have to speak if you don’t want to. I read of people who went to alanon for six months before saying a word. Go and see if you like it. Feel free to leave if you’re not comfortable. Try others and see what works. Do what’s best for you and your healing ^_^

Thanks for the encouragement. I will check one out.

Hi Lady, welcome and I do hope you will find the support you are seeking here.. I hope you will find the links helpful, I was thinking about you last night...have you made any changes with your bank/credit card status to avoid being responsible for anything your husband might remove from savings/charge.

The path towards healthy lifestyle without the "life of conflict and confusion'' can be a challenge...do you think that might be what you are missing? In addition to a grieving process as well...not easy At All what you have done and will continue to face in the months ahead...your son's new found happiness I do hope will create some good feelings for you and some self healing.

Sometimes in my own life I've put Everyone First and not given myself what I needed to fill my cup, give me oxygen to breathe...little things of self care are Not Selfish...they build emotional strength. Baby steps to focus on ourselfves first, What Do We Need to promote a healthy physical and mental life. I think you are a Very Brave Woman!!

https://www.nar-anon.org/what-is-nar-anon
https://americanaddictioncenters.org/rehab-guide/remove-addict

Thank you for all the good advice and kind words!
Yes, I have my own bank account and he does not have access to my money. (Thank goodness.)
Today has been a good day. My son had friends over and they were laughing uncontrollably. It was wonderful! I am taking things one day at a time and today was a good one!

I think grief over the ending of a relationship, even a bad relationship, is normal. What you felt at first was probably relief and that is normal, too. We humans have feelings and they change from day to day. You may always feel some kind of sorrow and/or anger at your husband even when the major overwhelming feelings dissipate. Just be okay to feel how you feel. Journal your feelings each night and just write them down. I am not sure which meetings you are going to, but consider Al Anon and take your son to the group for kids/teenagers. I found a few months of Al Anon helped me understand the manipulation and patterns of behaviors both my addict and myself were dancing together. Kind of opened my eyes. It will help him a lot, as well as you. There are also CODA groups.

I looked into CODA groups, but they are all at least two hours away. I found an Ala-non group here in town. I want to go, but I am really shy about it. But I will give it a shot. I need to heal!

Getting myself into an Al-anon room was Very Hard for me too...once there the welcome and acceptance...listening to other experiences really helped me to create boundaries for my own 'emotional hostage' experiences of codependent lifestyle. In addition if you are concerned about someone knowing you, what is said or seen in the rooms is confidential....example, a teacher my son had was there...no problem!

Take care :)

Thank you for the information. I will take a deep breath and check it out tomorrow. The meeting in my town is tomorrow, so I have a whole day to mentally prepare! ;-)