Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I am a 32 year old woman, been married to my husband for 10 years, together 15, we have one son. I recently starting seeing a trauma advocate through the local womens shelter here because of my verbally and emotionally abusive husband. I have just felt so stuck and feel scared and guilty for wanting to leave him. This past week we discussed that i am perhaps codependent, which ive done so much research the last few days, that is indeed what i am. I have trouble with it because of the fact that i did come from a loving home and there was no abuse growing up, i had a loving mom and dad, that are still together today and they only have ever wanted the best for me, so its hard for me to think it came from my upraising besides the fact that i have always been a people pleaser, that does come from my mom, so i can see it from that aspect.
So for the past 5 years i have wanted out of this marriage and tried to leave a few times by talking to my husband but he guilts me into staying, saying im ruining his life and his sons or that he will committ suicide cuz theres no reason to live if we are not together, blah blah blah, yes i know. This is all so frustrating to me, yes i have enabled him by taking care of him for years even though he is a grown man, so much so that i feel like his mother rather than wife. I know i need to leave him but i just don't know how to get past the feelings of guilt and the feeling that im abandoning him even though he has treated me like crap for years. I have been working on not thinking so much of him and trying to just concentrate on who i am and what would make me happy since i have found this new info out in the past week. Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated, Thanks!
So for the past 5 years i have wanted out of this marriage and tried to leave a few times by talking to my husband but he guilts me into staying, saying im ruining his life and his sons or that he will committ suicide cuz theres no reason to live if we are not together, blah blah blah, yes i know. This is all so frustrating to me, yes i have enabled him by taking care of him for years even though he is a grown man, so much so that i feel like his mother rather than wife. I know i need to leave him but i just don't know how to get past the feelings of guilt and the feeling that im abandoning him even though he has treated me like crap for years. I have been working on not thinking so much of him and trying to just concentrate on who i am and what would make me happy since i have found this new info out in the past week. Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated, Thanks!
I'm not going to lie, it's hard as hell to get out when you feel responsible for another person, but he needs to be responsible for himself. He will be fine, or not. Mine is the exact same as he was when I left after promising me the world to come back. Problem is he never follows through. We did marriage counseling 11 years ago but he BS'd his way through it. He doesn't want to change anything about himself, just wants me to accept his miserable self the way he is. Problem was, it was affecting our kids - my daughter is code and my son is the exact opposite. That's when I knew I had to leave, when it affected my kids. It's been really hard, but so worth it.
Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. There is great support both on this board and the breakups and divorce board.
We react based on our wounds and those wounds or percieved notions can be our ways of surviving certain things for certain situations. For example bullying in schools, consistently being dumped by boyfriend, cultural and society pressures, media itself so on and so forth. Ultimately they are all learned behaviours and can be unlearned the question is how? 12 step meetings, a counsellor, support grps etc.