One of the hardest efforts to make for me was to get out of someone's head and their life...meaning letting go of control. Another area was 'projecting' in my head the future of the other persons words, behaviors, or actions trying to 'gain some control'. Both of these things were a form of comfort because it was what I was used to...'the chaos'.

In terms of healing, it will take as long as it takes, why? it's a never ending process of growth and living your life by physically and mentally in a healthy way. Nothing can change until you make the decision to look at what is fact based, something in you that you want to change...baby steps.

I found, for myself, if I let my emotions take over the changes, the chaos would return and my mind would be like a hamster on it's wheel. Do Alanon meetings and readings, meditations, maybe journal how your life is today and where you want it to be in 5 years.I found sitting quietly or at odd times I'd get these little "God Whispers" of insight, a shift in my perception. And give yourself credit for what you are doing!! I don't know why, but we women are the last to be giving and kind to our self. Making the Huge Decision to make a change in your life for better ... that takes A Lot of energy, mentally and physically....when was the last time you allowed yourself a bubble bath, candles and a glass of wine? I write this cause I'd Love to do this but I don't have a bath tub :) Hang in there!!! You've Jumped Leaps and Bounds!!!

We all have anxiety dreams... 'tis our brains doing their work. But the real issue is what did you do once you woke up? Were you able to move around this dream and get back to calm and centered? Or did it freak you out with crying and staying in bed all day and just not coping? It is not that we have dreams, it is what we do afterwards. This is the process and it just takes time. I had two bad dreams about a relative the other night. I was trying to fix this relative and restore our relationship in the dreams. Woke up upset and thought about this and realized I can't fix someone else so have to let go.

I keep thinking I’d be thrilled if my partner finds another woman and I can leave guilt-free, but I can see myself feeling like a depressed failure because someone else not me is making him happy. This detaching thing is HARD. I wish there was a shortcut that we wake up one day and all the emotional hooks are unhooked but sadly, it takes time, and a whole lot of pain. Go to alanon and read what you can on detaching. I’ve been journaling like mad and doing exercise on detachment. It helps intellectually. Emotionally, I’m rubbed raw, but hopefully my heart will catch up with my wise mind. It sucks, but I think a year from now, I’ll be in a better place.

Such good insight! Thank you everyone!
I journal everyday, and that seems to be helping. I will try alanon. I found a meeting in my town. I just have to get the courage to go. I sometimes feel like my feet are in cement shoes. Going forward is such a demanding task! And sometimes it is slow going. But I keep reminding myself that at least I am going forward and not backward or stuck in the same spot.

One piece of wisdom, keep your mind
Clear of any pictures of your spouse with
Another woman. Its not A good or healthy
place To go.

Also try not to peek at His social Media.
Once seen or read, it can not be unseen
Or unread. We don't need to know more
than we Already do most of the time.

Alanon is a great program, i still go and its
been eight Years. Its really all about Me
getting better Healthier And stronger not
about someone else And their struggles. I
had needed to fix and heal me And learn
how to self Focus putting my energy into
me.

Recovery is a slow process i have not found
Any easy or quick ways to get thru. I had all
This knowledge i had learned in my head. Aware
Ness is good yet it needs to filter down deep
Inside of me for real change and growth.

Fear is the number one reason people stay
Out of recovery. Fear of change, Fear of losing
a Relationship, Fear of facing yourself and your
Truths. Many of us grew up with the type we
Marry so we have our own baggage to deal
With and face, Hugs

Thank you for the wisdom and encouragement!