Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
ok my STBX is codependant if she could not do something when she was younger,, her mot her did it for her, when we got married i had no choice but to take control of everything cause she was clueless about hwo to handle alot of situations, over our 13 year marriage i tried breaking this cycle by giving her certain responsibilities that i handled to take care of the break this habit, it always failed, back in november of last year, she began being secretive about thigs hiding her phone and what not. anyhow long story short she ended up having an affair and she is trying to break her codependant cycle herself, here is a timeline of what she has done since november
november - wife has several emotional affairs via phone with guys from other states
november wife has gastric bypass, but night before her surgery admits of sexting and having cam sex with multiple men,
November tells me she wants divorce
december we live in same house, she continues one relationship with a guy in TN
Januanry she finally moves in with her mother, her BF in TN dies
February, she starts a phone relationship with a convicted murderer
march moves into her own apartemnt with our kids
march begins to have real relationship with my ex best friend who is an abusive alcoholic. our last and final act of friendship was me bailing him out of a situation that he was too drunk too deal with.
my question when i codependant is forced to be on there own does this sound like normal behavior
november - wife has several emotional affairs via phone with guys from other states
november wife has gastric bypass, but night before her surgery admits of sexting and having cam sex with multiple men,
November tells me she wants divorce
december we live in same house, she continues one relationship with a guy in TN
Januanry she finally moves in with her mother, her BF in TN dies
February, she starts a phone relationship with a convicted murderer
march moves into her own apartemnt with our kids
march begins to have real relationship with my ex best friend who is an abusive alcoholic. our last and final act of friendship was me bailing him out of a situation that he was too drunk too deal with.
my question when i codependant is forced to be on there own does this sound like normal behavior
deleted_user
I truly don't see where she is codependent as much as you are on her. To be sure, she was dependent on her mother, and then on you, and certainly did not behave as an adult. But you became codependent when you became her parent, and you are still trying to parent her. You keep focusing on her and her behavior, as if you have the ability to control it or change it, or as if anyone but her has the ability to control or change it. No one can control her or change her but her. She doesn't want to change herself. You will twist yourself inside out trying to figure out why she does what she does, and how you can "fix" it. You can't fix it. She is who she is, and she has a right to be who she is. You may not like it. It may be destructive. It may be bad for your kids. It may end up killing her in the long run. Who knows? But there is NOTHING you can do about it. All you can do is protect yourself, and your kids, and get out of this messy situation. She is going down a bad road, for sure, but it's her trip. Please put the focus back on you and what you can do for yourself and your kids. You're making yourself crazy, I think.
SwordDancer
I agree with cheryt.
deleted_user
Cheryl's right for the most part, but if she's hanging with the ex-friend alcoholic, that sounds like CoD to me. She may have sex addiction issues as well. I don't know. As Cheryl said, she's on her own and you now have the opportunity to take care of you. You are at least aware that her behavior - and yours - is not right. She's going to have to take that journey on her own. Take care of you, your kids, and get the healing you need.
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