Hey there,
Dysfunctional families are frozen in role playing. Everyone has a job to do and it is like being around a bunch of wooden robots. Nobody has any real feelings. All of their opinions are based on some stupid doctrine that everyone thinks is the way to. It is so easy to get lost in the mix. It takes tremendous courage to not look at them they want you to. The rose colored glasses are supposed to numb feelings but it doesnt do anything but fuel addiction. Taking them off says that it is time to deal with the pain. Some therapists refer to the image of a giant elephant is sitting on the dining room table yet everyone walks around it and nobody comments on. Taking off the rose colored glasses is staring at the elephant and naturally and hopefully you question WHY is there an elephant sitting on the dining room table. The trouble is what happens when one family member is not playing their respective role anymore? Unfortunately the other members have to compensate and take over your role because for them it is still the way to go. Recovery can be lonely if you are still trying to bond with people who are still involved in keeping the madness going. New friends have to be found which leads to better relationships. Stay strong and remember you are not alone. There is only one you so you better take care of you mentally and physically because there is way too much at stake if you dont.You dont have to move but you should limit your visits to the bare minimum especially if you are sincere in wanting to change. I wish you the best of luck!

Overwhelmedjohnn thanks! KourtneyHart he is absolutely right. I will be the first to tell you I did the move, its lonely at times really lonely. But I am doing it and really it is one day at a time.

Over's response helped me remember to stay strong becuase recently I lost my job back in November I am struggling to support my daughter, pay my bills and I seriously considered going back to my crazed family.........BUT it would be worse if I/you did. All the awareness about unhealthy behaviors at least for me seems like it gets lost in the mix and I can loose some of me. And this could potentially happen to you.......only you can decide this. It's hard now but I am telling you the more distance you put between you the more opportunity you have to recover. Good luck and light!

Kourtney i come from the home town of families that suck so much drama so much me me me, so many screwed up things i cant even imagine them happening. overwhelmed has it right everyone does have a role and they play it to the hilt, you just haver to learn to play your role and take care of you are yours, i have built up some walls to zone out some of the insanity, but some always sneaks through, but i just try and keep to myself and take care of myselrf where they are concerned, i have an ever growing list of relatives on the dont go near list its how i cope, but its not always that easy i know.. some you cant stay away from, i am sure and the childcare issue plays into it like you said, you just have to pick and choose, how you interact.

"Nobody can hurt you without your permission"

It may definitely help you to get your mind straight if you move away again its your decision to make whether to move out or stay in.

What might help you is

Can you see how much is theirs and how much is yours in what you feel?

I just feel like I dont fit in with any of them because they are all so crazy. They say I think I'm better than them because I dont do drugs or drink and I dont bring my kids to some of their houses because of thier crazy ways. Thank you all for your responses.

Sometimes it's better not to fit in, but I totally understand what your saying...really think things through...good luck!!!

self abuse comes in many forms.
u choise to have a child in part because you are financially sercured.
it's not your current baby sitter child but yours.Granted it is nice to have a 2 income. union- which is basically to advance ones own credit score & capital gain.. last phases of life is to obtain an companion.
Change your enviorment. simply move - relocate out of community & away from adjoining communitys.No excuses, do it for your child education.
for aprox $60. anyone can get a divorce thur/on internet w/o the other having to sign anything nor being aware that you have filed & obtain divorce. let notice of devoice papers be served on him.
every state/community has a state funded mental health center. these centers offer slideing scale fee & transportation service.
w a child you have it made. file application for your child ( unless the child can fill out application) for food assistance & state houseing. there are also uility assistance programs. there are also woman shelters that can assist a person in obtaining legal assistance & houseing.but yet again, any body that has a child did so inpart because she/he is indepentantly financially sercured.

i agree with reply #1. both sides of my family are just liars, the women marrying sorry men, nobody seem to amount to anything (only my uncle and my dead aunt who was doing something with her life), etc just pure drama. deadbeats sure do run on both sides of the family.

i would move far away and cut all contact with them it would make ur life way better than what it is now. my family doesn't talk about anything just lie about everything and so secretive too.