Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Hi everyone! This might be quite a long message! just warning you know! lol. The reasons why i am codependent signs.
My adolescent years were so tough! I was such a mess, escpecially around my years from 14-25.
My dad and mum were both really overprotective of me, almost to the point if i asked for anything like joining brownies or wanting to go out with friends, or college parties i just wasnt allowed. Dad never came explanations - it was always a no! I mean i cant remember how i felt i was only young. I dont think they knew how to be with me emotionally - i lived by rules - and everything was so black and white like it is now, not much as changed though i have got older i know. I started using food control my life - it was the only thing i could control in my life - but i was abusing myself and i couldnt stop. I remember i had no confidence as a teen - i mean where would i get it from - cus i didnt get it from my family - they just told me how to be. I felt like i could never express my true feelings - its not on. I had periods of times where i couldnt stop eating it was so painful for me - i just had this bad urges to stuff myself with food until i was so sick - i had periods of not eating for two weeks so i could get noticed. If a boy i liked didnt like me back then i would change thngs about myself so i would be liked - i went to overeaters anonymous and could understand it and was in despair - i took a overdose of 50-60 codeine tablets - i did this becus i was a mess - my family wanted me to get married or think about it and i was only 18. I went to uni and fell in love with a alcholic - and we got married and it was crap! I tried to get him to change but didnt work, he was a horrible man! I got ULCERATIVE coltiis and i think it was all the stress of my life, my repressed emotions trapped in my colon - i have had 3 abortions cus i am not ready to have kids and god what would my family think. I am in a realyl good relationship now with a guy and i am reasonably happy - he is not in any way horrible or not demanding. Its just i am indian and i have my culture to go against. I have days when i feel stuck in my head - and i ask myself how can i do this relationship if i family dont approve - they have said so many harsh words - am i scared of being abandoned by them - they dont understand me- but they are the reason i am codependent. No one says his name - and they alway try and suggesst other suitable men for me to consider - im so fuccc...kin pissed off with feeling this way - i dont want to feel stuck - i want to be free from codependency. And i want to stop thinking and start living - before it all ends for me.
My adolescent years were so tough! I was such a mess, escpecially around my years from 14-25.
My dad and mum were both really overprotective of me, almost to the point if i asked for anything like joining brownies or wanting to go out with friends, or college parties i just wasnt allowed. Dad never came explanations - it was always a no! I mean i cant remember how i felt i was only young. I dont think they knew how to be with me emotionally - i lived by rules - and everything was so black and white like it is now, not much as changed though i have got older i know. I started using food control my life - it was the only thing i could control in my life - but i was abusing myself and i couldnt stop. I remember i had no confidence as a teen - i mean where would i get it from - cus i didnt get it from my family - they just told me how to be. I felt like i could never express my true feelings - its not on. I had periods of times where i couldnt stop eating it was so painful for me - i just had this bad urges to stuff myself with food until i was so sick - i had periods of not eating for two weeks so i could get noticed. If a boy i liked didnt like me back then i would change thngs about myself so i would be liked - i went to overeaters anonymous and could understand it and was in despair - i took a overdose of 50-60 codeine tablets - i did this becus i was a mess - my family wanted me to get married or think about it and i was only 18. I went to uni and fell in love with a alcholic - and we got married and it was crap! I tried to get him to change but didnt work, he was a horrible man! I got ULCERATIVE coltiis and i think it was all the stress of my life, my repressed emotions trapped in my colon - i have had 3 abortions cus i am not ready to have kids and god what would my family think. I am in a realyl good relationship now with a guy and i am reasonably happy - he is not in any way horrible or not demanding. Its just i am indian and i have my culture to go against. I have days when i feel stuck in my head - and i ask myself how can i do this relationship if i family dont approve - they have said so many harsh words - am i scared of being abandoned by them - they dont understand me- but they are the reason i am codependent. No one says his name - and they alway try and suggesst other suitable men for me to consider - im so fuccc...kin pissed off with feeling this way - i dont want to feel stuck - i want to be free from codependency. And i want to stop thinking and start living - before it all ends for me.
Those family demands on us are very hard, especially for Cos. I do not have any grand advice in this area - I never had to deal with your issue. Do you have sisters or brothers that you could talk to who might be sympathetic to your issue? That is one thing which has been quite a wonderful release in a way for me. Others who understand and were brought up with you really know what you are talking about.
The thing is, if you accept that we can only change ourselves and not others, then you will have to decide if you can be happy choosing your own course rather than your family's ideas for you. I have seen other people eventually accept situations, but you do not have any control over changing your parents' thoughts and behavior. It is your choice. You either stay the course and risk abandonment by them (not an easy consequence, admittedly) or you throw in the towel and bow to their wishes. I pray that you find the strength to identify what you want for yourself and then stand up for yourself, even with harsh consequences. It is your life and this is it. (And as frustrating as it is, it has been my experience that the Co behavior is a journey, and it can get better but it will not magically disappear.)