I would have done exactly what you did, at this point: not exposed myself to the situation. It's self-preservation, because I don't want to crash again.

I don't think it means we're running away; you just have to know when you're ready, recovery-wise. It's been longer for me, and I'm still not ready. Frustrating, but we have to trust our own instincts about what's right for us. It is so hard.

The only thing that seems to help is keeping myself busy with other interests that I find gratifying. It's helping me to slowly regain myself and feel a little more confident.

Maybe if you were to connect with a group of people to do things with--not the whole singles group, but a few of them--you could start to circulate "safely," and just enjoy doing something you like with other people in a relaxed social setting.

I think the fear of that first meeting is as bad as the actual meeting will be. I have such dread about it that, once it happens, it might actually be a relief to have it over. But...I can wait a while for that!

Take care.

Hi,

I also think that you made a good choice. I agree with cuttlefish that the fear is as overwhelming as the first meeting. I guess if we could trust ourselves not to fall into bad patterns, it would not be so difficult.

It is great that you are taking care of yourself.

Shar

If at all you can do it on your terms will give you confidence that you have the strength

Thanks for your replies. I didn't go to the singles group instead joined one of my friends and spent all day with her just to avoid going crazy or going to the singles group. I know I am still not ready to see this man whatever takes for my recovery I will do that and definitely thanks for your motivation

I think you absolutely did the right thing in choosing not to go. Why subject yourself to being in a place that would make you uncomfortable and uneasy. I actually think it is the opposite of running away, instead, you are running towards yourself, you are embracing you and your needs.

I think it is wonderful that you have the ability to find out if he will be attending an event rather than finding out when you get there. You are not ready to subject yourself to that type of meeting and you know that and therefore can take the "RIGHT" action.

I remember when I was in a relationship that had ended previously, we had similar friends and attended many of the same social events. Before attending a mutual friend's social gathering, I would ask if he would be attending. If they confirmed that, I would decline the invitation but suggest that my friend and I meet one on one for coffee, so that I could still maintain that friendship.

As time passed, I healed and I was ready to face those situations. But in the beginning, I had to give myself time to recover and grow more internally, emotionally, and spiritually.

I think it is a good thing that you are seeking out different activities to do that you enjoy. You are learning to love yourself which is exactly what you need. Continue to do those things.....

Be proud of your decision, in my experience, it has been the right one for me. If you had attended, you probably wouldn't have enjoyed the experience and that is the purpose of the event. It is for your enjoyment!!!