sorry I don't have advice but I have to say I admire you for recogonizing that pot IS a problem. My stbx just got out of rehab for coke addiction (for the 2nd time) but smokes pot daily from the time he gets up til the time he goes to bed. He has done this since age 12-13 and is now 48. He does not think this is a problem-says he's not self-medicating-just like the way it makes him feel. But it is a mind altering substance. I have asked the same questions-how can you know what you really feel or who you really are when you are high all the time. It is mind blowing to me that someone has spent the last 35yrs high all the time....and I was an enabler because I looked at it as the lessor of evils...he quit drinking 12yrs ago but relapsed w/the coke.

Thanks for sharing this. I do see that you are an intelligent person by the fact that you honestly are questioning yourself. I hope you find the help you need.

I tried pot, like an idiot, when I was 42 (!), after watching my brother die, and needing some relief from periodic anxiety attacks, and it REALLY mellowed me out, to the point where it sapped whatever motivation I had to do anything. Knocked me into a coma, then took 3 days to cough the shit out of my lungs. I gave it up. Didn't really want to develop lung cancer or mental problems like paranoia, which I've heard sometimes develops from smoking weed.

If you're going to do any controlled substance at all, alcohol is probably better, because you know what's in it, it's government-regulated, and because it's a short-term sedative, lasts only until you pee it out. But...everything in moderation. Don't go overboard on drunkenness either!

At this point, exercise and communing with nature is my relief from the stresses of this world and all the people in it who I may or may not find annoying. I go for long bike-rides, to a park, to the beach, anywhere, and, once I get into the zen zone, it's divine. I feel at one, in love, and at peace, with God.

If it's cold there, go on a hike, or get involved with bowling or roller skating. Exercise is great!

It's true, you won't know if whatever you're feeling is truly YOU or is "you" merely through the fog of the chemicals. I don't trust the stuff myself. Think it should be government-regulated, like tobacco cigarettes. At least, that way, we'd know the quality of what we're getting. Until then, who knows what the stuff might be laced with? Scares the shit out of me.

But, like I said, out of fear of lung cancer mainly, I'd lay off smoking ANYTHING altogether.