Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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Making independent plans from family

PAMJIT
PAMJIT
Hi all

I have been in a healthy relationship for two years - and its been tough with my family as my partner is white and i am indian. I dont know how to make plans without them? I mean i think ok im in a relationship, but now what. Im scared of the thought of having kids and getting settled without their approval, there will be a lot of guilt and shame and i just would feel ok even if i did have kids, it would be really stressful for me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi PAMJIT. Sorry you're feeling scared. What makes your family more important than you? Nothing. You are giving them too much power (just my opinion). We cannot fulfill their fantasies. We let go and let our higher power take care. You can give them back their guilt and shame. It is not yours. They are the ones walking in the shadow of racism. It helps to stay in today. Sounds like you are at a tough crossroad. Does your family know any white people? They could change, but we can't change them.
koolman
koolman
I know you love your family, Pam, but that's quite a stranglehold they have on you. Follow your heart, live by the example of love, and let them come around if they will. From what you've said and I've encountered about that Simon character, I wonder if he's any better lol.

Be kind to YOURSELF. Bottom line.

Reminds me of John Travolta's character's Italian family in the movie Saturday Night Fever. Travolta was the runt of the family, while his brother, "Father Frank" (mother makes the sign of the cross), who joined the priesthood, was their golden boy, until he resigned from the priesthood; then they were ashamed of both. A bit narrow-minded and hearted on the parents' part, of course.