been there and know the feeling. ended a 10 year relationship that i felt invaded all the time. a real boundary crosser. its hard to be close to someone that is disappointed with you. you are thinking right and it is hard to end a long relationship, but when we are stressed with contact and unhappy in the relationship it is hard to communicate. we are all here for you and keep posting

Hun I have a little Diff advice for you and by no means intend to hurt your feelings, but I am going to lay it out for you. What I gather from reading what you wrote . First of all there is always two sides to every story. I am not saying your H's actions are justified so please dont take it that way. What I am going to say is he is trying to comunicate with you and doing a poor job of it. I understand you pain and issues from your past, but these are YOUR issues not his. I suggest you seek help from a therapist for both issues at hand. Sometimes we can not hanndle things on our own or even with a SO to help. I think marrital therapy would help also. I have been through child hood abuse, I have been through marital abuse and had a wife that suffers from many mental illness's. If you think there is any hope for your marriage then do something to fix it. If you dont then I would say get out and start over. I dont mean to sound hurtful as I really do care ! I just want you to realize that the way we percieve things are not always the way they are and your H is my opinion trying to communicate with you. He is doing it poorly out of frustration and ignorance, but still trying. Then again I could be compleatly wrong.
Best of Luck !

I've been there, too. Many times. Eight major relationships, Four marriage proposals, and I fell in love with another man when my husband of ten years and I were having problems.

The problem I have is this, because I had parents and a sister that said, "We won't tell you when you're doing things right, we'll tell you and correct you when you're wrong." I learned very young that anytime someone was going to open their mouth that was older or "loved" me it was going to be criticism. So as a defense mechanism, I began not to listen because IT WOULD HURT to hear constructive criticism constantly.

No blame gaming...we are adults you and I...no one else is in charge of protecting us, seeing to our happiness and safety but US.

1)Try to learn to realize where your woundedness came from.

2)Release the anger you have towards those people you weren't able to fight or talk back to or defend yourself against. I had to wait for a day I was alone in my apartment. Wrote a couple of letters to my parents and sister telling them exactly how I felt about their behavior and then hit a pillow and choked a stuffed animal that my son and I have no attachmment to. It sounds silly, but sometimes the only way to release that pent up energy is to let it out. Creative people do it by painting, singing, pretending they are someone else (acting), writing fiction...

3)Have a really good cry. Don't stop yourself. Just let it out 'til it is done.

4)Treat yourself to something you really want. Listen to that little voice inside your stomach "your inner child" she'll tell you what she wants (bubblebath, waffles, to make mud pies, chocolate....)

5)Listen to what your husband is saying.

6)Tell your inner child that you're going to handle this so she can go play.

7)Pretend your husband is saying these words to someone else, think of what advice you would give to someone else (a friend or someone you care about) if she wrote the above e-mail to you. Afterall, you're supposed to care about you.

8) Talk to him. When you made the commitment, said I do, you promised to work as a team. Tell him what you're telling us here on the support network. Ask him what he thinks would be a good solution and then ask him to listen to you and your reasons for agreeing or not agreeing with him. Tweak it until you find something that works.


GOOD LUCK. I AM PRAYING FOR YOU. WE CAN ALL RECOVER IF WE STICK TOGETHER AND HOLD HANDS.