Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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kitkat91 08/19/2018

Good afternoon fellow Codependents:

This is my very first post on this group (codependency) and am a bit nervous and shy but definitely know I have an issue. Ever since I was younger (say 30 years ago) I developed codependency traits with my mother, of course after leaving the house and becoming an adult. I never ever fully became independent in life as an adult. I’ve always wanted SOMEONE to lean on, whether it be my mom for a long while, my sister until she moved, and now my son (heavily for the past year) by the way my mother passed several years ago which is why I eventually became codependent on my sister and then my son. All that being said, here I am, a codependent that’s heavily influenced and or persuaded by others moods and or opinions and lean heavily on others to take care of me (their decisions, etc)

Bottom line: Im looking for help from others on how to get my own life! Be independent and learn how to be happy with myself :) It’s a daunting task but am trying to remain optimistic as I know that I won’t be always able to lean on my son to live life through him.

mirandac 08/19/2018

Welcome to our group.

I personally believe in 12 step groups like
Alanon for addiction in the relationship or
attending Coda or Acoa.

Most codependents were formed from
their abusive and/or dysfunctional home.

There is a lot of info on the forum to read,
youtube videos and books. Therapy helps
a great deal too,Hugs

SimpsonsOK 08/20/2018

Welcome aboard this DS lifeboat KitKat. Sounds like you have already done some homework, and seen your lifelong patterns. Actually as you become more independent, the happiness will come along with it. We move along with baby steps. One could be to look at your options, decide which you think is best, and just do it. If that is too hard at first, do the first and second, then ask for input on your decision, but unless there is a really compelling reason given, go with your decision. The more you make decisions, the more you claim yourself. I am on here daily, unless out of town, so reach out to us as you begin this journey. Calming, comforting and empowering hugs.

urbangardener 08/23/2018

I found the exercises and reading in The New Codependency very very helpful. You might look into that book and see what you think. I have to agree with SimpsonsOK, its a process of taking small steps one at a time. Like making a decision totally on your own. Write down your thoughts and think about it for a few days and don't ask anyone else's opinion. Sometimes we lean on others because we lack self esteem or valuing ourselves. Sometimes we have found it works super well for us and we don't have to do so much work in this life. Its not wrong unless you feel you are limiting yourself or it creates conflict in relationships. For me personally, I got tired of always blowing in the wind of which way people will choose/do/act or always worrying how to make others like me and what if I make the wrong decision and they don't like or approve of me. I wanted to feel strong inside of me and love me for being me. Best wishes on this journey and I think you'll end up happier/more at peace as you take charge of your life.

SimpsonsOK 08/25/2018

KitKat, just sending some random comforting hugs.

kitkat91 08/25/2018

Urbangardener, where did you find reading and exercises about codependency?

mirandac 08/25/2018

I think she was talking about melodie beattie newer book.

i love her book language of letting go its very alanon like
but softer and gentler daily reader. it got me thru my divorce
many days, Hugs

https://www.amazon.com/New-Codependency-Guidance-Todays-Generation/dp/1439102147

mirandac 08/25/2018

Many people like her book "codepedent no more"

i personally go to alanon so its stuff we do anyway and she also has a work book for CNM, hugs

Peat 08/25/2018

kitkatg1, as mentioned above, there are plenty of resources about co-dependency.

Here are two things to remember which will help you to stay on track:

1/ Stop 'people-pleasing' to gain something. Unconditionality is the goal.

2/ Inter-dependency is the ideal, where we are sometimes dependent and sometimes independent. But always flexible to accept the other person's right to live their own life. Live and let live.

LettGoBreathe 08/29/2018

You're not alone. First thing is realizing it. Then we can work on changing it. If you find any useful tips when it gets hard... (I get mad and sad when others are mad and sad... How do I change this?!) let me know! It's so hard. Especially as an empath.

salina 08/30/2018

^ emotional boundaries which codependents lack - taking responsibility for your own emotions and not others - doesn’t mean you’re rude or selfish .

These boundaries are internal , something we have to recognise and practice ourselves from within .

kitkat91 09/02/2018

Hello all, I really appreciate the responses I’ve been getting on this topic. I have been struggling with being dependent on others emotions as well. Can anyone offer any advice in regards to how to not be so affected by others moods?

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