So, like a lot of people with codependency issues, I have people in my life who are clingy, needy, dependent, bossy and manipulative.  These behaviors can work both ways in the codependent dynamic.  We can play this role toward others or they play it toward us.  

I have this friend in my life, who may or may not be aware that she is on notice. I often don't like her attitude. When we get together, she is crass, bossy and demanding. She's not a terrible person, and there are things  I like about her. But, if the bad outweighs the good, yes I will fire her so to speak. Cold? Perhaps.

The month of March was very dramatic and exhausting with her. I get together with her and some other friends once a month, and even that is completely exhausting only becuase of the drama that she adds to it. For the March get together, she threw a fit because I could only get together for a few hours in the morning, rather than set aside the whole day.  I don't have one whole day per month, I don't care what she says.

So, I skipped the April get together.  I simply said I could not join.  It was grand.  I stayed out late and didn't have to get up for our Saturday morning workout, and rush around to see her.  I didn't have to deal with the screaming histrionic dramatics of "it's not fair!!!" 

We met for a couple of hours in the morning for our workout on Saturday. It was ok.  She was being her usual offensive self and saying, "women don't age well." I hate this. It makes me cringe and my skin crawl every time she says it, and she's been saying it for years.  Something must have changed for me, because instead of just quietly nodding as though I agreed, this protest fell out of my mouth. I was actually surprised at myself. I said:  "I don't agree with your statement. It's biased against women and degrading. Women age just as well as anyone else, they don't age less than men, or are not inferior. It's biased." I continued:  "The statement also presupposes that men should reject older women becuase of their looks, their lack thereof, or the loss of them, and it assumes that relationships are based on appearances alone."

Yeah so it was a mouthful. I was so much happier than just listening to her negative garbage. She seemed both surprised and impressed.

I went home, and just as I was leaving to head out to a party, the phone rang. I didn't answer it. To hang out more tomorrow, Sunday. She left a message about how much she enjoyed our day. Funny part is, I don't enjoy her nearly as much. I didn't agree to get together and said I would get back with her. She wants way more time and energy then I will ever give.