I'm new to this forum, so I looked back at some of your other discussion threads. You had some great advise for others!

"Because familiarity of known is deeply embeded in our Brains.
Its okay to feel what you are feeling ... its not that you want him in your life its more you are grieving loss of the dream. Dont be hard on yourself sometimes our codependency talks to us ... tell yourself some positive things" (your response to jokiwhau about obsessing)

try not to be so hard on yourself! After all...we are all individuals and comparing yourself to your friends only keeps you in a position of shame and blame.

Rockslove thanks for showing me the mirror... sometimes I just need a reminder ...

I personally have the hardest time moving past endings as well, some things I can pretty readily (a job, old cars, stale food in the fridge)....but not people.....but when it comes to people in my life I am really thoughtful about it and it makes it really hard to just toss them aside. Plus when I factor in my own portion of the demise of the relationship that is where it gets really sticky for me, because I will say to myself "sheesh maybe if I hadn't done this thing it wouldn't have ended, and I should apologize".....and that gets me roped back in to not let go......but I know that I am needing to steer clear of those trigger relationships no matter who is at fault....it is better for me and them...so it is all in all for the greater good.

I also think and have found those who say "just get over it" or play like it didn't matter and seem to have moved on so easily are actually just putting on a nice show for me.....and they suffer the same pains I do-they just are not willing to be as open about it as I am....so they are suffering in silence, alone....which to me seems like a terrible place to live. So I wouldn't really buy into that it is so easy for others to 'let go'.

I just had a major breakthrough this weekend about a person I had been hanging onto and what I came to realize, was that the biggest part of my holding on to them was about the fantasy of 'what could have been', and the fantasy about 'maybe they had more feelings about me that I don't know about' as if these were things to hang my hat on to hold out hope for some change PFFFFFTTTTT really?? In all actuality I had to remember the truth of the tale and what prompted me to leave or end it or made me feel like a piece of crap, as well as note what I really want as of today......for me the fantasy needed to be put down and I had to look at the hard truths......GULP...that was a hard pill to swallow-full on horse pill. I had a major full body shaking cry about this fantasy land I had created that kept me tangled up in the mess, and probably was affecting me in so many ways (and I could see the history and pattern of me doing this in MANY of my relationships with men) and this hurt pretty bad.......but for some reason today I woke up and it was like a 10 ton gorilla that I had been carrying around for 5 years finally got off of my back and I feel much lighter today admitting it........there feels like a hope of doing things differently....still some residual shame to work thru, but the sun definitely feels like it is shining today.

Anyway.....just my two cents, hope it helps. Just know you aren't alone in having a hard time letting go......it isn't easy but once you do it will feel really good, and just know there is no timetable except the one you keep for yourself!! ..xxoo

I do that too with the fantasy world. The what it could have been, or could be if I just do a little bit more. I'm trying to work on that one.

Codachrome

This just hit home for me "when I factor in my own portion of the demise of the relationship that is where it gets really sticky for me, because I will say to myself "sheesh maybe if I hadn't done this thing it wouldn't have ended, and I should apologize".....and that gets me roped back in to not let go.."

Thanks for sharing .... one day at a time ... one layer at a time...