Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Just realizing how codependant my personality type really is.
I am the kind of person who will feel bad another person has to wait for me while I cross the street, so I move quickly.
I suppose you could see that as being polite, but when I sacrifice what is good for me, that politeness and over-caring poisons my life.
I sway from putting my foot down, ("we are having separate bank accounts." "I am not picking you up from work every night when you aren't trying to get your license." "Do not text that co-worker since you have a history of cheating" etc
And then on other things I will go totally silent and clam up, letting him dictate the situation. Even if it harms me, even if I don't want to, I won't say anything. And then I will feel resentful and angry that he even had the audacity to ask me to drink all day with him AGAIN on a sunday. When I could have said no, I am not going to a bar with you. (I did say that, but I ended up driving him to a bar.)
I think the level of codependancy runs deep, and gets confused with our relationship power struggle. I don't want to be a doormat. I need to learn to not care when he is uncomfortable. I internalize how he feels and he knows how to control me.
Anyways I am just realizing all of this now. Any tips welcome
He asked me to take him to get fast food and at first I was considering it... And then I said no. We can make food at home.
The change feels good and scary and I'm hoping to learn some things.
Like... I was trying to sleep in a bit since I'm up at 5am every day... I would have fed the cat when I got up... Trying to guilt me as I lay in bed and try and relax a bit on my day off. Ugh! I'm so annoyed by this. This website has made me pay attention to it. Before I would feel guilty and start an argument proving I had every right to lay in bed. Now I know it's a trap to start a fight and make me feel worse.
I never posted fake or edited pics... Just normal ones.. And I notice a lot of the higher up, respected people at work use it quite freely to just share their family and lives and hobbies. So I didn't delete it.
He did try though. His favourite rant when we started dating 2+ yrs ago was about how pointless it was. How everyone was fake and doing it for likes. Typically shaming me into deleting it.
It is hard when you’re so far gone in a relationship and you realise you’ve been living your whole life as a codependent. It will change the dynamics of the relationship.
A healthy person will welcome any positive changes , someone toxic will not . The healthier you become the less abuse and disrespect you will tolerate .