I suppose it depends on your definition of intimacy. I see intimacy as more than just sex or lovemaking. It is in the everyday things as well. Even just doing something thoughtful for your partner as simple as making them dinner or a coffee or doing the laundry. So without knowing what your definition of it is, what can I say.
But I do know what you mean about tending to push others away..are you afraid?
(((hugs)))
rick

Enjoying the company of others is different than pushing people away. When you do that, you're trying to protect yourself. What is behind that? I agree with arbe.

When I push away from my sisters, it's because they continue to hurt me again & again with their rejection, their judgments, their bullying. I push away from their anger. And they push away from my reactivity, too.

What are you pushing away from? Other people's reactions? Their anger?

Long ago when I was a teen and in my 20s, I used to run out of the room the minute someone would try to confront me. I would pull away if someone got angry with me. I would shut down or go numb. Disassociate. I sometimes still do.

Now I try to stay in the room, in the conversation, in the discussion. If it gets too hostile, I will say, "I can't discuss this further at this time." Effectively stepping out of the argument. That's where I suggest you start. If we're talking about the same thing.

((Hugs)) take what you want, leave the rest...

"What have you done to help lessen your own fear of intimacy?"

When it comes to physical intimacy, my honey whom I'm dating, I started soft, and put my hand on her shoulders to rub them. When she didn't flinch, reject me or slap the shit out of me (she wanted to get close too), I began to feel more comfortable with her, and began to push the envelope a bit more and more. Now, for the most part, we're as comfortable together as a pair of old shoes.

One does have to push through the fear, and realize that there is love on the other side of that fear.

I agree with Amelah and I too have pushed people away or run away out of fear. There are good reasons I tend to do this but there are even better reasons for me to try and move beyond it. I have had to work at "staying in the conversation" just as Amelah said - for me this means establishing and maintaining my boundaries with people (instead of avoiding them) through effective communication. I am finding this to be a challenge but gradually I am seeing improvements in myself.

Introduction - Fear in its pure form can be a great thing to suspect danger and flee...

Discovery - The same fear from childhood as an adult child can cause Fear of Abandonment, Fear of Rejection and Fear of Intimacy all played a great role in my life until I identified them. This is Discovery now what next

Recovery -
1.Questions -
a) what purpose am in serving by have all these fears?
b) What situations are causing this fear? Is this now or is this from past?
c) When this happens is there any part of the body that is effected?
d) Is my Inner child vulnerable - Want or Need something?

These all stem from trust issues, trusting my own self.
And trust can come from your own inner core by believing in you..
When connected to my Inner self I am very peaceful.. Nothing can change that peace.This happened only when i started taking care of my Inner child. Inner child is often vulnerable because of the defective past. Hope this helps.

Take one day at a time.. It took time for me to connect to my Inner child..

I say you have to make some serious calculations as to who is doing the pushing and who is NOT.

In some cases you yourself might be doing the pushing away, and maybe it is justified or maybe it is not, as that is up to your own opinion.

As like when we talk to the other person (especially close family members) and we talk about codependency issue like talking about a boundary or feelings and the other person gets angry or upset and they walk away blaming it onto you, then they are the one doing the push away even when they them self is the one leaving.

You getting blamed does not necessarily mean that it is your fault - as it might be or maybe not.

Just because they leave then that does not necessarily mean that you are the one pushing them away - maybe you are but maybe not.

A lot of people today know about social psychology interactions, and so healthy people do not leave and will not get pushed away unless they chose to do so.

If your family or friends do not want to talk or discuss things like codependency or about boundaries or feelings or any such thing then they are the ones pushing you away.

Having a ten year marriage that ended in a divorce is not really a sign of pushing away - of course there might have been intimacy problems, but a lot of marriages today only go 2 or 5 years and 10 years is a long time.

It takes two (2) people to push away from each other, as it is hard for one person to push away when the other person wants to be closer.

If those other people are pushing away from you then that does not make the other persons as bad or evil or cold or hateful as it just means that have an advantage over them.

This is just my own perspective, IMO.

Thank you so much for your responses. You have all given me a lot to think about. I really need time to process all of this information before I can really respond further.

First of all, I know that my problems with intimacy come from the fact that I did not feel protected as a child. I am an adult child of an alcoholic father, and I was abused throughout much of my childhood.

Many of my thoughts and feelings have not been been analyzed or really felt. I live most days like a robot--just going through the motions without feeling the pain or the joy.

Thank you for your help. I would really like for life to be better. :)