Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I feel like the "asshole" guy... lol. Really.......
For years I have felt like the victim-with reason. I didn't stand up for myself, I accepted relationships that most healthy women would have left when they saw the red flags and I tolerated it. I always prided myself on being so accepting, caring, fun, and cool. Poeple say they can tell me anything. Yet I felt humiliated when I'd be asked about my relationship. A married man-okay separated but for 5 years while with me but I never met his daughter and his wife hates me. He can be bossy, controlling, distant, and sometimes pathetic yet endearing, warm and loving and someone who is struggling but feels misunderstood by the world-accept my me!
So since I've been in analysis I'm seeing my own role in my life and relationships. I really haven't taken things seriously enough, ran away from my marriage, been in and out of so many intense relationships. And I get involved knowing they won't meet my creteria but they chose me and I'm not interested at first. I kinda see them as "beneath me"--I know how arrogant and bicthy that sounds-but I feel it and so do others.
Then the tables turn and I become the needy one and then their "limits" ei: lack of emotional intelligence, different personality than mine, lack of perception about themselves and no flexibility to change.
So now... I broke up with the 5-year guy and met someone else. But honestly, I can't seem to let go of speaking to the ex who wants to be back with me and can't really move forward with the new guy who happens to be real pushy and aggressive that I move on from the ex. So this time I feel like the asshole guy who has two people who seriously want to be with me yet I question if either of them or right and resent wither of them when they are pushy or question me.
I'm afraid to let go yet I know that's the right thing to do. I'm hoping though this jounry-I am somehow keeping level headed and my communication has been honest, for the most part, with both of them. So that's a step beyond from the "asshole" guy. Just still feel concerned about waking a fine line, being true to myself-though I am searching for myself now, and not wanting to hurt anyone, if I can help it.
For years I have felt like the victim-with reason. I didn't stand up for myself, I accepted relationships that most healthy women would have left when they saw the red flags and I tolerated it. I always prided myself on being so accepting, caring, fun, and cool. Poeple say they can tell me anything. Yet I felt humiliated when I'd be asked about my relationship. A married man-okay separated but for 5 years while with me but I never met his daughter and his wife hates me. He can be bossy, controlling, distant, and sometimes pathetic yet endearing, warm and loving and someone who is struggling but feels misunderstood by the world-accept my me!
So since I've been in analysis I'm seeing my own role in my life and relationships. I really haven't taken things seriously enough, ran away from my marriage, been in and out of so many intense relationships. And I get involved knowing they won't meet my creteria but they chose me and I'm not interested at first. I kinda see them as "beneath me"--I know how arrogant and bicthy that sounds-but I feel it and so do others.
Then the tables turn and I become the needy one and then their "limits" ei: lack of emotional intelligence, different personality than mine, lack of perception about themselves and no flexibility to change.
So now... I broke up with the 5-year guy and met someone else. But honestly, I can't seem to let go of speaking to the ex who wants to be back with me and can't really move forward with the new guy who happens to be real pushy and aggressive that I move on from the ex. So this time I feel like the asshole guy who has two people who seriously want to be with me yet I question if either of them or right and resent wither of them when they are pushy or question me.
I'm afraid to let go yet I know that's the right thing to do. I'm hoping though this jounry-I am somehow keeping level headed and my communication has been honest, for the most part, with both of them. So that's a step beyond from the "asshole" guy. Just still feel concerned about waking a fine line, being true to myself-though I am searching for myself now, and not wanting to hurt anyone, if I can help it.
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I need some plot development ideas for a book I'm writing. Here's the lead in:------@1630 she texted me, asking for gas money. "Are u at work? I have to work in a couple hours I don't have any gas barely I was wondering if u had 20$ by chance haven't been able to get any massages in I'm sorry to ask was just seeing"She agreed to meet me at the townhouse @1730. I asked her to call me before...
We need to accept the fact that we can't please everyone, all the time. The bottom line is that you've got to please yourself.
You don't need to be afraid to let go, and maybe you don't need to be pushing away, either. In order to start doing what is best for us, we must explain our needs to them.
Right now it seems like you need some space in order to find yourself and a person who can satisfy that self, and I need some more consideration from my one and only.
I hope you find your way to a 12-step program for love addicts. There are many good ones: Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, Co-Dependents Anonymous and Al-Anon, (the last one is especially helpful, if there is problem drinking is your history somewhere or currently). Your best thinking got you to this place, and as Einstein said, you cannot solve the problem with the same thinking that created it.
I hope you are ready to find help, get clean and sober from dysfunctional relationships and achieve the spiritual solution that you will never find in human relationships until you claim it within.
I myself am a chronic relationship addict. Your statement
"And I get involved knowing they won't meet my creteria but they chose me and I'm not interested at first. I kinda see them as "beneath me"--I know how arrogant and bicthy that sounds-but I feel it and so do others."
Your not alone, I have for years wondered why I was never interested in men until they were interested in me. I think it could be many things ranging from my intuition screaming at me subconsciously or maybe my own childhood was so damage I couldn't see another person as attractive. For so many years I never showed interest in others until they showed it first. To be honest there is nothing wrong with being picky about who you surround yourself with. Being highly sensitive really makes it hard for me to communicate with others. I am just scared and really I chalk it up to that. I prefer to watch from a distance, so when someone show interest I have to be careful. I want to make healthy connections not be around people that are dysfunctional. There is a certain amount of dysfunction in everyone, but that is normal. So please don't beat yourself up for trying to protect yourself.
It is good your moving forward with your recovery. Working at it is harder than I would ever imagine and I am struggling to work my recovery daily.
Take care and give your self a hug for moving forward. Your worth the hug!