This is def codependency. Trust me I have felt the same way. I was seeing someone for a while who had turned so ice cold towards the end. He was cruel and mean and made me feel worthless as if it was his job. All I did was try to hold on tighter and be extra nice to hope it would change him. This man is kind and sweet and caring to EVERYONE else in his life. If I were to tell anyone who he really is they would only laugh at me. Sometimes I have asked myself is he that warm caring guy or is he this cruel person I have recently come to know. At the end of the day I guess it doesn't matter. I have to ask myself why did I want someone so badly who was mean and cruel to me? there was nothing about him that I enjoyed anymore. He gave me anxiety, made me hate myself and he used me. wanting someone so badly that you cant even stand anymore is mind blowing right? it shouldn't make any sense. And it makes other people in your life scratch their heads and wonder "what is wrong with this person" BUT this is what codependency is..I guess the first step to making a change is realizing you fit in into this category and doing so will help you learn to make changes for the future.

Stalking him is an unhealthy obsession. Why are you caring about someone who treats you like that? Don't you feel like you deserve better?

Pinkrose28 - thanks for the advice. I feel a bit better. This is all new for me but I do realize that I am codependent. To Delianam yes I know I deserve better but can't seem to figure out how to move forward without missing this guy and really I go a bit crazy. This is the part I am trying to figure out. I haven't gone through the 12 steps yet but needed some support and hopefully some help with my immediate problem of breaking up with this guy again but this time once and for all.

I know the feeling you know you deserve better but you don't know HOW to feel okay without him .you miss him you think about him and mostly you picture how you will get through that pain in the meantime. These are all things im currently trying to process

First, I just want to say congratulations on being sober 5 years! That in itself is very impressive. If you ever needed proof that you can make the changes you need in your life, that would be a good example!

I'm sorry you are going through such relationship turmoil, I can relate to how exhausting and all-consuming on-again, off-again relationships can be. I was in one for about 5+ years, and it was difficult to break up with him for good because we shared a group of friends who we would always be with drinking, and then hanging out socially one thing would lead to another and we would be back together again. I would often drive by his place during our 'off' times, or ask mutual friends for updates, because it would drive me crazy thinking about what he could be doing. I think we broke up probably about 8-12 times during the relationship.

Honestly, changing myself was the only thing that stopped that break up/get back together cycle. I know that sounds cliche, and that is much easier said than done.

For me, the change happened by a MAJOR life makeover. I got a job in a new city (which was a very big surprise and I wasn't even going to accept it at first because I wanted to stay and be with him) and ended up moving 1,000 miles away. After I moved we tried the long distance thing casually (again on and off) for about 1.5 years, and then decided to officially get back together. He came to visit me, and during that visit I realized that I was no longer the person I used to be when were together. We had little in common at that point, and my life was so different (new home, job, friends, experiences)....I realized that I didn't actually NEED him anymore. I had no desire to keep reliving the past 6+ years and so when we finally broke up the last time, it stuck.

You are not crazy. It's unbelievably hard to end a relationship that has so many ups and downs. It's almost like an addiction, in a way. But you clearly have the strength inside you to overcome, and you deserve to be with someone who makes you truly happy.

Just came across your post and I think when you have invested a lot of time, care, effort and love for someone, and there has been a connection between you, it's only natural to want things to go back to more comfortable times. But when the effort you're putting in isn't being reciprocated over time, and your needs aren't being met, it becomes very damaging. It's almost like chasing something that was, and it can be almost like an addiction. I've done it many times myself in the past, and personally, it's been with men who aren't able to commit. As I understand it now, I think I subconsciously chose men who couldn't commit because I was struggling with my own issues of rejection from my parents. I think I was somehow replaying those problems in my relationships, and couldn't handle things when they were coming to an end. I felt like I had to keep trying and trying to make things work because the thought of accepting it was over meant facing those familiar, but dreaded feelings of rejection all over again. What I'm trying to say is that past emotional damage can keep us in unhealthy relationships, and even make us fall into relationships that continue to damage us in a similar way. I think it's only when we value our own needs, that we look for partners who will respect them and turn, make us happy. Just my view on things, but I hope it helps. I know how hard it can be and I hope you find some understanding and peace x

Thank you all so much for all your help. Love all comments but will have to get back shortly. I'm so busy today. Feeling so so today but already by joining this group I am feeling better about myself and THINK I might be ready to move forward and away from this guy. Fingers and toes crossed for now. Will explain more later. Thanks!

Updaate! On day 4 of being single. So far so good. Feeling much stronger this time but on the other hand I usually do fine in the beginning and then go down hill a couple of weeks later. I just want to thank you all for your support and thank myself for discovering this forum. Anytime I feel alone or sad I come on here and see that I am not the only one and read over all the comments on other entries and I get that powerful feeling back of "I can do this" and "I am worth it" and it helps alot. I know I have a long long way to go and alot of hard work ahead of me but I think I'm ready.....with the support of all of you of course. Just wanted to say thanks for being there. It truly means alot....... xo