My personal opinion is that nursing on demand isn't necessarily a boundary problem. That is, some people consider it a normal part of human development. That said, it gets trickier with the older kids when some discipline or rules are needed. I find myself smoothing things over or doing things for them.

I agree that nursing on demand is simply a normal part of human development, along with being a nurturing parent. I would say that's one of the upsides of being a codependent person--you are an amazing parent when it comes to doing all the loving things a parent is supposed to do lol. It can get a little trickier when a couple of your kids are narcissist (hey, it's inherited) and start to act like little shits and think it's quite ok to leave stuff all around even though they know you like it better when it's cleaner but they know you also don't like conflict and would rather pick up after them than call them on their shit.....or maybe they're testing the boundaries because they know they can get away with it--because their parent hates conflict. What's a conflict-hating parent supposed to do?

It's the time to develop thicker skin and not worry about whether or not the little darlings yell and scream that they should be able to act like little shits and get away with it. So if little Johnny is getting his jollies from hitting people, mamma gently but firmly restrains his hands or sends him into a time out to train him to realize that he can't be an asshole to people. Mamma doesn't hit him back to punish him because then Mamma is just being an asshole herself and is showing poor modeling skills.

If the kids are happily strewing shit all over the place, mamma patiently but firmly insists that they clean said shit up. Mamma doesn't let up until said shit is cleaned up. The kids learn that it's easier to clean the shit up in the first place otherwise they will be relentlessly nagged/prevented from getting stuff they'd like to get--i don't know, cool shit from the store, that sort of thing. I'm a big believer in behavioral modification methods that involve rewards for good things and non-punitive consequences for one's actions.

It takes a lot of time and it would be much simpler to spank, but in the long run you'll have kids who'll listen to you and respect you when they're twice your size.

Don't know if that helped, and sorry for all the swearing. Mommy has a potty mouth.

hi artgrll thanks for ur reply, you said lotsa good stuff but hey i did have to mind all that swearing lol whats with your potty mouth mama??
i do try and stay firm when they act disrespecful. like today my child was in shop begging for a toy and i wouldnt give in even she yelled the shop down... its more that im bending over to please her in other ways..... too tired to explain myself now......... also this demand nursing.. shes a year old and every time she cries i swoop her up and hey presto shes latched on:):):):_)

I hear ya....those years can be exhausting....extended breastfeeding has its advantages, but it's a personal choice in that it's working for YOU, because ultimately you're the one who's providing this service, and if you're feeling resentful and exhausted, that's not good either. On the other hand, without the boob your little one would just be crying, and that can be even more exhausting. When you sit down to nurse, it also forces you to relax ad take a break, too. If you need a break by yourself, is there someone you trust your little ones with so that you can recharge yourself? do something that is just for you?

Some kids can be more demanding than others. My oldest child was extremely high need, even in utero he would have these active periods that were unlike my other three. As a very young infant he would cry and cry, even when I would try to breast feed him. I finally was able to develop this little routine where I would hold him and breastfeed him at the same time, dance with him, have a vacuum cleaner running, walk with him in a carrier. As he grew older it was always evident that he was "different"--and yes, he does have some mental health issues. I think, however, that by having a nurturing upbringing he has had a firmer foundation to teach him to be resilient.

Sorry if I offended by being too sweary. Sometimes I get carried away when a theme emerges in my writing, and then it was a sweary theme. I was picturing in my mind how kids can be little dictators but at the same time they're kids and need that blend of patience and love. It can make us feel like we're at our wit's end. It can be tough.

Interestingly, childcare is considered to be low-status work, when in reality it stretches your every internal resource. Hang in there--I'll bet you're doing a fantastic job. Sending you love and light.

as a single parent, I wore many hats. one of them was the 'mean mom' hat. when my dear son would dump his stuff in the middle of the floor and my risk level of falling went to the sky more than once. I finally said to him, 'Im tired of picking up your shoes, I can get hurt tripping over them. If you choose to continue to leave.......?.....anything here....on the floor, you can't find it? then check the backyard, it will be there. Kids Need Limits, it is part of life, as are rules. If things are so bad, throwing their stuff is a Really Big Eye Opener. Sounds mean? maybe but very effective. As for nursing on demand can you get a breast pump....I had to do this at 6 months because like you I was exhausted and there was only me. best of luck, ml

There's no real health benefit for your child to this breast feeding at this age, and feeding through the night is insane. Honestly. Let's get all these utterly romantic theories above and just chuck them!

We need to be sensible adults here, let's get our eyes wide open and face the reality while we're still big enough to control the kids.

Kids get bigger, not smaller. They get more demanding, not less demanding. If you cant control them now, you're screwed. Completely and utterly screwed.

If you can't stop the breast feeding now, how are you going to manage when baby's 2? Or 3?

When are you planning on getting any sleep?:

When you had your first child, did you say 'that's it, mummy is no longer a living breathing human being, all she is now is an incubator and toilet accessory'?

Get yourself back! Get your own existence back! If not for your own sake, then for the sake of feminism, and for the sake of your kids. Because they'll just use you up, spit out the pips, and walk on the peel. If they have no ability to cope with missing out on something now, you are in for a hellish experience for the next 15 yrs.

Take stock. Figure out what the WHOLE team needs to survive. You're not a tube of toothpaste. you're not a host to be parasited upon. you're the captain of the ship.

And if you can't run it, nobody can.