Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
A friend of mine whom i know for 2 years asked me to date so i thought i will try... Its been 9 months i have dated him. After the honeymoon phase of 6 months i started evaluating my relationship with him. During the last 3 months phase reality has hit me hard. I knew he was working on his divorce but didnt know he gets sucked into his sociopath exwife drama.
she is who she is not my problem. What startled me was that this man would go confide in her things i have trusted and told him for example i need to get to a therapsit to understand a little more of whats going on with me in regards to relationship. to me it felt like everytime he was insecure he ran to her. i also learnt that she is basically taken his mom role on taking care of things for him example his well being etc.. her jealousy just spilled and truth revealed.
When asked why he confided the discussion with her he said he wanted to know if he was doing something wrong. benefit of doubt because he internalizes lot of things and takes it as his fault.. i guess she is his therapist too..
anyways one time i was little insecure and said long distance isn't working he took it as i am breaking up with him and he started working with ex wife to reconcile so he gets his kids. they want to live under same roof for the sake of children. apaprently its okay she has her boyfriend visit her and okay i visit my boyfriend. that just threw me off..
ultimately i have come to conclusion that these two individuals are very much enmeshed without boundaries.. they both have too much baggage ( control-victim) and i dont have to be part of this so i thought a lot and broke my partnership with him yesterday.
dealing with loss of dream and expectations... lots of feelings... crying.. angry..frustrated... sleeplessness ... not hungry.... just reminding myself feelings are like passing clouds. thank god for support network i am abe to function... never easy with breakups..
strong urge to go back and bargain... day one of no contact broke it ... called him and it went to voice mail thank god... too many questions unanswered... anyways one day at a time i guess.
i did spiral down in my recovery and will bounce back soon to a new dimension...
she is who she is not my problem. What startled me was that this man would go confide in her things i have trusted and told him for example i need to get to a therapsit to understand a little more of whats going on with me in regards to relationship. to me it felt like everytime he was insecure he ran to her. i also learnt that she is basically taken his mom role on taking care of things for him example his well being etc.. her jealousy just spilled and truth revealed.
When asked why he confided the discussion with her he said he wanted to know if he was doing something wrong. benefit of doubt because he internalizes lot of things and takes it as his fault.. i guess she is his therapist too..
anyways one time i was little insecure and said long distance isn't working he took it as i am breaking up with him and he started working with ex wife to reconcile so he gets his kids. they want to live under same roof for the sake of children. apaprently its okay she has her boyfriend visit her and okay i visit my boyfriend. that just threw me off..
ultimately i have come to conclusion that these two individuals are very much enmeshed without boundaries.. they both have too much baggage ( control-victim) and i dont have to be part of this so i thought a lot and broke my partnership with him yesterday.
dealing with loss of dream and expectations... lots of feelings... crying.. angry..frustrated... sleeplessness ... not hungry.... just reminding myself feelings are like passing clouds. thank god for support network i am abe to function... never easy with breakups..
strong urge to go back and bargain... day one of no contact broke it ... called him and it went to voice mail thank god... too many questions unanswered... anyways one day at a time i guess.
i did spiral down in my recovery and will bounce back soon to a new dimension...
Keep moving forwards. Just from reading your post, I saw warning signs all over the place! The relationship is toxic! He needs to work through his issues and find closure in his relationship with his ex. He is not ready for another relationship!
Living together for the sake of the kids is not a bad idea in relationships where both mom and dad are strong minded and super mature. But in too many situations it ends badly and the kids have to go through a divorce all over again for the second time.
You deserve better than a toxic relationship! Find better for yourself!!
What struck me is your use of the word, "bargain."
It's like you are grieving for the loss of the relationship. The last step is acceptance and it sounds like you are on the verge.
Sometimes, we need a step backwards to leap forward. I think this may be yours.
Some of the grieving is from my inner child and lott of ptsd issues from past ... taking one day at a time ... I am so glad I know where to go when I need support...