because they are willing to leave? and not stay and try and convince you to let them stay?
just thinking out loud

Hi Daystar,

I like Arbe's thoughts. I wonder if it has to do with wanting them to convince you otherwise as he suggested?

Hugs,

Shar

I agree with the others. Maybe wanting him to be willing to "fight" for you? I have felt something similar to what you're describing. Are you somehow attaching how he reacts ....or doesn't react...to your own self worth?

"Just to be truthful to you yes i dont think we can work out" this is the statement i get after 24hours of me saying this is not working out for me.

I dont want him to convince me. The last statement threw me off. So far does that mean this person hasent been truthful? Does that mean if i give u rejection u need to pay back rejection?

I have some great EGO issues for sure.

May be i am so used to drama during breakups tht clear cut breakups dont make sense :-)

I wonder if it's that you are surprised that they are so willing to just drop it? That they're not the least bit sad or surprised, or whatever? Just a guess. I think I would be all angst-ridden having to say that to someone, and then if they were like "oh well, bye" I would be kind of miffed! Definite code I think!

You hit it: EGO. You want the date to go YOUR way. If the date doesn't go YOUR way, you want the rejection to go YOUR way.

Gotta give up the want to control anything and everything. The loss of control is what makes life chaotic, yes, but it's also what makes life INTERESTING. If you found your exact clone, or someone you could completely control, you'd quickly become bored, you know you would.

Maybe abandonment issues. Boundary/control issues (are you testing?). Or alternately, maybe hes a jerk and this is a good thing? Ive done it in the past and, for me, its been about control/boundaries and my seemingly constant shit self-esteem.

Try and see this as an opportunity to see what YOUR are all about. He could be on to your play and playing back. This is about YOU, not him.

IMHO

For me there is a part of me that knows that this is not the right person. I probably don't need to be dating because I haven't figured out who I am yet. I think that this will make me happy, yet it didn't. I think something else will make me happy. I doesn't either. The reason wasn't the other person or thing. It was me. I wasn't happy. I needed to take time to realize who I am, what I need or want. Until I do know, I don't want project that unknowing behaviors out onto someone else. Sometimes I'm not ready for a relationship. I use meetings and my Higher Power to accept what's next for me.

Thanks guys you all are awesome....
The saga continues ... with more text messages frm him for no reason.
"We are no more in relationship. We are only friends. You need to find a new boyfriend " i said ok and left it there than another message after 2 hours hrs ... we can be friends with benifits...this sucks ...

Time for me to ignore this one and move on :-)...its his baggage i dont have to react to any... i need to just take care of myself.

A friend of friend Quoted this ... Absolutely beautiful and its helping lot with current situation,

You are beautiful person...such an extreme energy of resistance does nothing to other person, it only poisons your own life, your own relationships and your own experiences.

It doesn't mean you allow a toxic relationship to continue... you simply see how anyone is acting is NEVER about you (or anyone else for that matter ) ... she or he is simply being her or him ( in the moment)... observe with neutrality and without judgement... when we understand he or she is acting from their own conditioned mind ( beliefs/experiences/perspective) we dont make it about ourselves and therefore we dont take any of it personally or allow their actions to cause us to emotionally react ( hatred). Its not about agreeing with or tolerating how they are acting, its about understanding and having your peace no matter who or what comes your way.
what you resist persists,. let go of the energy and allow for a new experience to surface. It will.

"let go of the energy and allow for a new experience to surface"

Great. Then we need to define what we want that new experience to be! A beautiful, soothing one...mmm...sounds nice to me.

Friends: With benefits. Yes, anger makes for some good sex lol. If you don't want that "kind" of relationship, you need to step back, sink into self, meditate, and focus on what you DO want.

...perhaps you were hoping that you were more important to him than he was to you...

I agree with what has already been said. My initial thoughts were that just because you in effect 'reject' someone else, that it doesn't make it feel okay for someone to in effect 'reject' you back. Logic just doesn't apply. I've been in the same situation before.

Something else struck me about this though. You like someone and then find that the date isn't working... What is the reason that it is not working? It almost seems like you want the person to challenge your assertions, so just because the date isn't working, it doesn't necessarily mean that you don't want things to progress further.

So i figured out the pattern

1. True feelings - Here and now ( Real Self)
2. Detachment/ Disconnect - Control ( When things aren't going my way) or feeling this wont work
3. Judgement/Rejection - Lets part this isn't going to work.
4. Resentment - OMG! What am i doing .. Hes good guy. This is my own hook to self - Pathology at its best i guess :-)
5. Insecurity - Abandoning Self - self esteem issues
6. Opportunity - Need to work this out with other person therefore create or use opportunities.
7. Codependency - Change for others against my interests, Lose identity, Attach even more.

Solution I found is not to disconnect( Intimacy Issues) but to let go. Not to feel guilty and resentful but learn from this, build self esteem and take care of inner child, Not to get attached but keep healthy detachment. Haven't reached to the point where i lost sense of myself so i am good.

One step at a time.. Tested the waters and i am still stuck in my old patterns but definitely see growth from last time. Thanks all.