I'm mostly new to this site.  Been doing some reading and now going to CODA.  I'm married for 6 years, 10 years total relationship.  I love my husband. He has broken everyone of my conditions that I set at the beginning.  No lieing, cheating, physical abuse.  We have been working on gaining custody of his daughter for 10 years. I also have daughters of my own.  The relationship was great in the beginning, we both worked toward our common goals, building our future and our family.  Got married.  Silly me, I still thought we were working on our common goals.  My husband is an alcoholic and soon that took over.  I tried even harder carrying all the weight to keep us going.  Now he's in rehab again.  I'm pretty much a pro about handling everything.  I didn't want it to be that way. Circumstances just led to me having to be in control of everything.  CODA is new to me, but i'm learning that even though I thought I had moved out of the traumas of my childhood, that in reality they guided me to choosing a man i could nurture, because it was what i was missing.  Still not sure where tomorrow takes me, but i feel that the fog is starting to lift and I'm finally seeing I'm more than that person who has been made to feel worthless, unloved and used.  It's up to me to make a change for me, Not to change the other person.  I'm still struggling, but i can see a dent.