Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I fear my marriage is almost over. Our 20 year anniversary is in two days and my H has been telling me he wants to leave me, find someone else, take the kids away from me. I have been doing what he has asked me and talking to him honestly about what has happened and how I m feeling. Yesterday he was angry with me because some things around the house are broken and I haven't taken initiative to get them fixed. I apologized and told him I would look into things today. He made some critical comments about me, which I reacted to because all I hear from him are critical comments and it gets to me. He then told me I have to shut up and put up with his comments because I have driven him to the point of divorce, our marriage is the worst thing that has happened to him, on and on. I can never call him on his behaviour or the way he speaks to me because he says I am entirely at fault for the problems in our marriage and gets angry if I say anything about him. I know that I have messed up and hurt him but at the same time it seems unfair that he can behave however he likes toward me and I can't say anything.
Sadly, I took all the things he said to heart and started to hit myself again because I felt so bad about myself. I haven't done this for years and I know how unhelpful it is but I don't seem to be able to sort out things with my H and hear how he feels about me without feeling bad, guilty, hopeless etc. How do I do this? How do I deal with what I have done without feeling horrible about myself? I feel useless and feel like I can never do or say anything right around my H. I keep asking myself what is wrong with me. Feeling very confused
Sadly, I took all the things he said to heart and started to hit myself again because I felt so bad about myself. I haven't done this for years and I know how unhelpful it is but I don't seem to be able to sort out things with my H and hear how he feels about me without feeling bad, guilty, hopeless etc. How do I do this? How do I deal with what I have done without feeling horrible about myself? I feel useless and feel like I can never do or say anything right around my H. I keep asking myself what is wrong with me. Feeling very confused
Please do not hurt your body because of your frustration with your husband and his abusive remarks. You are not the only one responsible for your marriage. He is equally responsible for the good and bad parts of it, too.
It is so much easier to just point the finger at someone and put the blame on them instead of shouldering the responsibility as well. What do you want to do about all of it? Do you want to stay in your marriage? Would your husband agree to go to counseling if you did want to try to fix it? From my perspective, putting you down and blaming you is verbal abuse. It is almost impossible to thrive when you are being constantly put down.
It sounds like your husband has you convinced that everything is your fault. That could not be farther from the truth. I hope you can figure out what you think, what you want and how you feel. You are a human being, too, not some doormat to be trampled under.
Good Luck!
Shar
Know that we all have been in that position in past and i am glad or what i moved on... its tough but you will be fine