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How to Deal with Criticism Well: 25 Reasons to Embrace It
by Founder Lori Deschene
Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing. ~Aristotle
At the end of the day, when I feel completely exhausted, oftentimes it has nothing to do with all the things Ive done.
Its not a consequence of juggling multiple responsibilities and projects. Its not my bodys way of punishing me for becoming a late-life jogger after a period of cardiovascular laziness. Its not even about getting too little sleep.
When Im exhausted, you can be sure Ive bent over backwards trying to win everyones approval. Ive obsessed over what people think of me, Ive assigned speculative and usually inaccurate meanings to feedback Ive received, and Ive lost myself in negative thoughts about criticism and its merit.
I work at minimizing this type of behaviorand Ive had success for the most partbut admittedly its not easy.
I remember back in college, taking a summer acting class, when I actually made the people around me uncomfortable with my defensiveness. This one time, the teacher was giving me feedback after a scene in front of the whole class. She couldnt get through a single sentence without me offering some type of argument.
After a couple minutes of verbal sparring, one of my peers actually said, Stop talking. Youre embarrassing yourself.
Looking back, I cut myself a little slack. Youre vulnerable in the spotlight and the students reaction was kind of harsh. But I know I needed to hear it. Because I was desperately afraid of being judged, I took everything, from everyone as condemnation.
I realize criticism doesnt always come gently from someone legitimately trying to help. A lot of the feedback we receive is unsolicited and doesnt come from teachersor maybe all of it does.
We cant control what other people will say to us, whether theyll approve or form opinions and share them. But we can control how we internalize it, respond to it, and learn from it, and when we release it and move on.
If youve been having a hard time dealing with criticism lately, it may help to remember the following:
The Benefits of Criticism:
Personal Growth
1. Looking for seeds of truth in criticism encourages humility. Its not easy to take an honest look at yourself and your weaknesses, but you can only grow if youre willing to try.
2. Learning from criticism allows you to improve. Almost every critique gives you a tool to more effectively create the tomorrow you visualize.
3. Criticism opens you up to new perspectives and new ideas you may not have considered. Whenever someone challenges you, they help expand your thinking.
4. Your critics give you an opportunity to practice active listening. This means you resist the urge to analyze in your head, planning your rebuttal, and simply consider what the other person is saying.
5. You have the chance to practice forgiveness when you come up against harsh critics. Most of us carry around stress and frustration that we unintentionally misdirect from time to time.
Emotional Benefits
6. Its helpful to learn how to sit with the discomfort of an initial emotional reaction instead of immediately acting or retaliating. All too often we want to do something with our feelingsgenerally not a great idea!
7. Criticism gives you the chance to foster problem solving skills, which isnt always easy when youre feeling sensitive, self-critical, or annoyed with your critic.
8. Receiving criticism that hits a sensitive spot helps you explore unresolved issues. Maybe youre sensitive about your intelligence because youre holding onto something someone said to you years agosomething you need to release.
9. Interpreting someone elses feedback is an opportunity for rational thinkingsometimes, despite a negative tone, criticism is incredibly useful.
10. Criticism encourages you to question your instinctive associations and feelings; praise is good, criticism is bad. If we recondition ourselves to see things in less black and white terms, theres no stop to how far we can go!
Improved Relationships
11. Criticism presents an opportunity to choose peace over conflict. Oftentimes, when criticized our instinct is to fight, creating unnecessary drama. The people around us generally want to help us, not judge us.
12. Fielding criticism well helps you mitigate the need to be right. Nothing closes an open mind like egobad for your personal growth, and damaging for relationships.
13. Your critics give you an opportunity to challenge any people-pleasing tendencies. Relationships based on a constant need for approval can be draining for everyone involved. Its liberating to let people think whatever they wanttheyre going to do it anyway.
14. Criticism gives you the chance to teach people how to treat you. If someone delivers it poorly, you can take this opportunity to tell them, I think you make some valid points, but I would receive them better if you didnt raise your voice.
15. Certain pieces of criticism teach you not to sweat the small stuff. In the grand scheme of things, it doesnt matter that your boyfriend thinks you load the dishwasher wrong.
Time Efficiency
16. The more time you spend dwelling about what someone said, the less time you have to do something with it.
17. If you improve how you operate after receiving criticism, this will save time and energy in the future. When you think about from that perspectivecriticism as a time saverits hard not to appreciate it!
18. Fostering the ability to let go of your feelings and thoughts about being critiqued can help you let go in other areas of your life. Letting go of worries, regrets, stresses, fears, and even positive feelings helps you root yourself in the present moment. Mindfulness is always the most efficient use of time.
19. Criticism reinforces the power of personal space. Taking 10 minutes to process your emotions, perhaps by writing in a journal, will ensure you respond well. And responding the well the first time prevents one critical comment from dominating your day.
20. In some cases, criticism teaches you how to interact with a person, if theyre negative or hostile, for example. Knowing this can save you a lot of time and stress in the future.
Self Confidence
21. Learning to receive false criticismfeedback that has no constructive valuewithout losing your confidence is a must if you want to do big things in life. The more attention your work receives, the more criticism youll have to field.
22. When someone criticizes you, it shines a light on your own insecurities. If you secretly agree that youre lazy, you should get to the root of that. Why do you believe thatand what can you do about it?
23. Learning to move forward after criticism, even if you dont feel incredibly confident, ensures no isolated comment prevents you from seizing your dreams. Think of it as separating the wheat from the chaff; takes whats useful, leave the rest, and keep going!
24. When someone else appraises your harshly, you have an opportunity to monitor your internal self-talk. Research indicates up to 80% of our thoughts are negative. Take this opportunity to monitor and change your thought processes so you dont drain and sabotage yourself!
25. Receiving feedback well reminds you its OK to have flawsimperfection is part of being human. If you can admit weakness and work on them without getting down on yourself, youll experience far more happiness, peace, enjoyment, and success.
We are all perfectly imperfect, and other people may notice that from time to time. We may even notice in it each other.
Somehow accepting that is a huge weight off my mind.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-criticism-well-25-reasons-to-embrace-it/
by Founder Lori Deschene
Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing. ~Aristotle
At the end of the day, when I feel completely exhausted, oftentimes it has nothing to do with all the things Ive done.
Its not a consequence of juggling multiple responsibilities and projects. Its not my bodys way of punishing me for becoming a late-life jogger after a period of cardiovascular laziness. Its not even about getting too little sleep.
When Im exhausted, you can be sure Ive bent over backwards trying to win everyones approval. Ive obsessed over what people think of me, Ive assigned speculative and usually inaccurate meanings to feedback Ive received, and Ive lost myself in negative thoughts about criticism and its merit.
I work at minimizing this type of behaviorand Ive had success for the most partbut admittedly its not easy.
I remember back in college, taking a summer acting class, when I actually made the people around me uncomfortable with my defensiveness. This one time, the teacher was giving me feedback after a scene in front of the whole class. She couldnt get through a single sentence without me offering some type of argument.
After a couple minutes of verbal sparring, one of my peers actually said, Stop talking. Youre embarrassing yourself.
Looking back, I cut myself a little slack. Youre vulnerable in the spotlight and the students reaction was kind of harsh. But I know I needed to hear it. Because I was desperately afraid of being judged, I took everything, from everyone as condemnation.
I realize criticism doesnt always come gently from someone legitimately trying to help. A lot of the feedback we receive is unsolicited and doesnt come from teachersor maybe all of it does.
We cant control what other people will say to us, whether theyll approve or form opinions and share them. But we can control how we internalize it, respond to it, and learn from it, and when we release it and move on.
If youve been having a hard time dealing with criticism lately, it may help to remember the following:
The Benefits of Criticism:
Personal Growth
1. Looking for seeds of truth in criticism encourages humility. Its not easy to take an honest look at yourself and your weaknesses, but you can only grow if youre willing to try.
2. Learning from criticism allows you to improve. Almost every critique gives you a tool to more effectively create the tomorrow you visualize.
3. Criticism opens you up to new perspectives and new ideas you may not have considered. Whenever someone challenges you, they help expand your thinking.
4. Your critics give you an opportunity to practice active listening. This means you resist the urge to analyze in your head, planning your rebuttal, and simply consider what the other person is saying.
5. You have the chance to practice forgiveness when you come up against harsh critics. Most of us carry around stress and frustration that we unintentionally misdirect from time to time.
Emotional Benefits
6. Its helpful to learn how to sit with the discomfort of an initial emotional reaction instead of immediately acting or retaliating. All too often we want to do something with our feelingsgenerally not a great idea!
7. Criticism gives you the chance to foster problem solving skills, which isnt always easy when youre feeling sensitive, self-critical, or annoyed with your critic.
8. Receiving criticism that hits a sensitive spot helps you explore unresolved issues. Maybe youre sensitive about your intelligence because youre holding onto something someone said to you years agosomething you need to release.
9. Interpreting someone elses feedback is an opportunity for rational thinkingsometimes, despite a negative tone, criticism is incredibly useful.
10. Criticism encourages you to question your instinctive associations and feelings; praise is good, criticism is bad. If we recondition ourselves to see things in less black and white terms, theres no stop to how far we can go!
Improved Relationships
11. Criticism presents an opportunity to choose peace over conflict. Oftentimes, when criticized our instinct is to fight, creating unnecessary drama. The people around us generally want to help us, not judge us.
12. Fielding criticism well helps you mitigate the need to be right. Nothing closes an open mind like egobad for your personal growth, and damaging for relationships.
13. Your critics give you an opportunity to challenge any people-pleasing tendencies. Relationships based on a constant need for approval can be draining for everyone involved. Its liberating to let people think whatever they wanttheyre going to do it anyway.
14. Criticism gives you the chance to teach people how to treat you. If someone delivers it poorly, you can take this opportunity to tell them, I think you make some valid points, but I would receive them better if you didnt raise your voice.
15. Certain pieces of criticism teach you not to sweat the small stuff. In the grand scheme of things, it doesnt matter that your boyfriend thinks you load the dishwasher wrong.
Time Efficiency
16. The more time you spend dwelling about what someone said, the less time you have to do something with it.
17. If you improve how you operate after receiving criticism, this will save time and energy in the future. When you think about from that perspectivecriticism as a time saverits hard not to appreciate it!
18. Fostering the ability to let go of your feelings and thoughts about being critiqued can help you let go in other areas of your life. Letting go of worries, regrets, stresses, fears, and even positive feelings helps you root yourself in the present moment. Mindfulness is always the most efficient use of time.
19. Criticism reinforces the power of personal space. Taking 10 minutes to process your emotions, perhaps by writing in a journal, will ensure you respond well. And responding the well the first time prevents one critical comment from dominating your day.
20. In some cases, criticism teaches you how to interact with a person, if theyre negative or hostile, for example. Knowing this can save you a lot of time and stress in the future.
Self Confidence
21. Learning to receive false criticismfeedback that has no constructive valuewithout losing your confidence is a must if you want to do big things in life. The more attention your work receives, the more criticism youll have to field.
22. When someone criticizes you, it shines a light on your own insecurities. If you secretly agree that youre lazy, you should get to the root of that. Why do you believe thatand what can you do about it?
23. Learning to move forward after criticism, even if you dont feel incredibly confident, ensures no isolated comment prevents you from seizing your dreams. Think of it as separating the wheat from the chaff; takes whats useful, leave the rest, and keep going!
24. When someone else appraises your harshly, you have an opportunity to monitor your internal self-talk. Research indicates up to 80% of our thoughts are negative. Take this opportunity to monitor and change your thought processes so you dont drain and sabotage yourself!
25. Receiving feedback well reminds you its OK to have flawsimperfection is part of being human. If you can admit weakness and work on them without getting down on yourself, youll experience far more happiness, peace, enjoyment, and success.
We are all perfectly imperfect, and other people may notice that from time to time. We may even notice in it each other.
Somehow accepting that is a huge weight off my mind.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-criticism-well-25-reasons-to-embrace-it/
http://www.psychemaps.com/
I agree, # 24 is powerful for me. It's going on my wall of affirmations :)