Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
This may not be a codependent thing, but considering that a higher power is an important topic for a lot of codependents, I'm going to bring it up here.
I just realized that a lot of my fear of confrontation, a lot of my fear of speaking up, of telling how I really feel and what I think comes from a fear of being punished. In a lot of my relationships, I get STARK TERROR when it comes to expressing how I feel, so a lot of time, I just shut that part of myself down and go along with what he other person tells me to do, or agree verbally with what they say even when I don't agree on the inside. I was doing a lot of reflective thinking and digging and came to the realization that that's because I was raised with a God who punished people by dumping them in hell if they disagreed with him. The concept used to terrify me. I came home from church once and exploded into tears because I was so terrified of hell.
Eventually I had the courage to leave the church, but I fell into the same pattern of following one dogma after another. I went militant leftist/feminazi/critical race theory in that way that felt like a cult and if you speak out or you're not leftist enough, you deserve whatever their vision of hell is. Eventually I left that and went swinging into the other direction of hard right. Same story. I've learned to accept the world is a grey place instead of black and white.
I also realized one reason why I'm terrified to leave bad unhealthy relationships is that I usually get involved with people who are basically cult leaders without the cult powers (yay, repeating childhood patterns of filling an abusive religious void with another type) and I'm terrified of being shunned by them because I associate being shunned with deserving to go to hell.
Well, that was quite the revelation. My forty years of existence have basically been me being afraid of deserving one form of hell or another.
Anyways, my therapist, who didn't grow up with a fundamentalist god that I did, told me my homework is to discover what God is to me, because I have started to feel that I really need God lately. I am getting a lot stronger but I feel like I need that extra push from God to really get the courage to do what I need to do to be happy, healthy, and do what I'm put on Earth to do. I'm flipping terrified and I need God's help.
I just can't imagine what the role of God would be if he's the not the one I grew up with.
So questions to those of you who believe in God or a higher power:
1. What is the role of God/HP in your life?
2. What is their role if you screw things up?
3. Does hell exist? What is God's role with hell?
4. Does your God/HP have one way of thinking? This is the one that gets me. This whole, "what is god to you?" That sounds like we get to dictate what God is like, and that's totally against what I grew up with. God was absolute and one way, and we all had to conform to what he wanted. Those who didn't deserved hell. So this, "god is different things to different people", I would love it if it was true because it would mean I get a God in the best interest for me, but I mean, could that be true? My brain is having trouble understanding that.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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It's been some time since my last post...sorry. I've been going through a challenging time with the sale of my home, purchase of a condo and my adult asperger son that lives with me. I've had days where I couldn't get out of bed, days where I stayed in my pj's and days where all I managed to do was eat, drink fluids and take care of my Sweet Mia kitty. Sweet Mia came to me from a shelter about...
I too used to believe I was going Straight To Hell. I no longer believe this, mainly due to the many caring Priest I've spoken with over the years.
I'm no longer with the Catholic Church because of 'religion' and live in a Spiritual Way with God, to me God Is Love...plain and simple.
My thought about Heaven and Hell...well I believe in after life, I believe we have people come into our lives when we are ready to open our hearts to learn new lessons of life. I believe even after life of the continuation of the soul evolving, it never dies.
More and more I believe that Hell is earth, when we learn the lessons we are to learn, then our bodies die and our Spirit/Soul are with God. I still pray for souls, just because I do, I still pray Catholic Prayers because they mean a lot to me, it's the Church that bothers me. And I love the Pope and the Priests who helped me So Much to know God Loves Me No Matter What, that His Son died for me, for my sins....this Doesn't mean I get off scot free.
When I pray, I pray for the Highest Good as I've no idea of what God wants for other people, same with myself. I am not afraid to die, because I know I will live on through Spirit.
Cheers
So to me, God is my best friend and the lover of my soul. He doesn't punish with Hell, although many religions teach that and not just Christianity. Personally, I also believe in reincarnation so my version of what Hell might be is very different from standard thinking. I don't really believe in the Hell of punishment although as time has passed and I've done more learning, I simply am not sure. I believe our souls cross from being in the body to not being in the body at death and some souls need a long sleep because they've been bad or whatever. This long sleep could be like "Hell". Some scholars believe that these teachings were added into the Bible or created as a control method by the early church. Most souls go right into waking up with other souls in whatever heaven is and getting on with the tasks their souls need. I believe that the human experience is our spiritual natures in a body, the spiritual nature lives on forever.
In some religions, when we screw up here on earth, we have to come back and redo these mistakes. This is a version of reincarnation. Say we beat our wife, so next life we come back as a dog that is mistreated or a person who is beat by their spouse. Another view of reincarnation is that we have earthly bodies that we choose when we are just souls in "heaven" so that we may learn the lessons that we need to perfect our souls.
Look in the Unity Church or Unity philosophy. You might find a Christian modern music radio station, there are some online. Gospel music is the more old fashioned style. Most are encouraging music. It may give you a different take on spirituality.
I go to a church that doesn't teach these things of God's wrath. Our church mission is about loving all people into a relationship with God. Hell is almost never mentioned nor does the modern worship service I attend talk about Hell and damnation.
At some point, in my opinion, it is time to let go of our self hate and self condemnation. Break those chains. Set yourself free. Big hugs to you.
mlro, you're right it does give me headache to sort all out all these emotions and hard questions, and I'm tired all the time now, but it does help to have the extra clarity. Hopefully I'll get the energy back to do the stuff that makes me happy in life. Teaching starts again in September and that should give me meaning and joy.
I really appreciate you sharing your experience with God with me, especially since you grew up with the same notion of hell that I did. That really helped me to know that you once believe in that kind of hell, and you no longer don't. I also really like that you still say Catholic prayers. I was so angry when I first left the church that any hymn or bible verse would set me off in a rage. I was such a black and white thinker, and prone to throwing the baby out with the bath water when things didn't work out. Now I realized there was a lot of good from the church I grew up, and hymns, psalms, and prayers now give me comfort. It's a huge adjustment for me to realize that there's a place for God in a world that's is not black and white, that he has a role in a grey world. Your perspective helped me so much, and I'm so glad you had wonderful, understanding priests who helped you.
Bob - that's such a good point about passing judgement. There's a lot of judging going on now, not just from the church! It's always good to be reminded that we are all connected, and we're here on earth to love ourselves and each other.
urbangardener - I really appreciate your views on religion, especially what you said about hell being made up by the early church as a control tactic. I was so surprised that the Jewish religion doesn't have hell, and that in the new testament, hell can mean the garbage dump and not the church hell I grew up with.
I'm glad you go to a church that doesn't teach God's wrath. I remember learning about churches like that when I was a fundamentalist and having a lot of contempt for them. I thought they were only interested in getting the comfort and feel-good qualities of Christianity but didn't want to do any of the hard work of self-sacrifice and spreading the gospel and fighting against evils like homosexuality and abortion. Man, was I contemptuous. Christianity without hell made no sense to me. What's the point of God if there's no hell to be saved from?
Now I realize that I need a higher power because life is really bloody hard and I need a strength that is beyond me. I completely agree with you when you say that we have a life that we're supposed to be live, and that's been giving me a lot of comfort lately, that life isn't completely meaningless, and that God actually wants me here to do good.
Blessings to all three of you for your responses.
God Bless
One Blessing that continues in my life is a relationship that started here on DS, 6 years ago. I met two women, both have died, another woman who was a nurse and took care of both of them, she too has died...I Miss Them So Much, they were So Strong, and had such Bright Spirits..and the Most Amazing Smiles...all three lived a Life of Huge Traumatic Experiences. I had an Universe Connection with both of them as an empath...It was a life changing experience! My Beloved Laura, channeled my sister Janet and that was just Amazing for me. Laura died from breast cancer, my sister Janet also died from cancer, I was in denial/manic, she was gone in 6 months. I asked Laura if I could come on her journey with cancer so I could better understand what my sister and brother, also died from cancer, experienced. I had the same kind of experience with H, although it was to help her, her husband and 10year old son and dog died by a drunk driver, they had a St. Bernard. I grew up with '6' St. Bernard's, and her dog was named Jackson, my brother's name...this is when I knew I had the Universe connection with her.
I too have had cancer and one of my kidney's removed. When I went to my Parish Priest prior to leaving the church for a Blessing and Healing, there was a man there who was dying...I didn't know this at the time, I asked that he stay for the Blessing also. To make a long story short, my Priest said to me "I don't know anyone who has your faith"....I just 'knew God would allow me to live. I didn't pray for healing, I just prayed to stay alive until my son who has aspergers didn't need me anymore, God Answered My Prayer. Today, I've had some really scary times where my kidney was functioning ar 12%, then it went up to 19% and yesterday my latest blood work showed 29%!!! I'm just jumping with Joy and Gratitude....I Strongly Believe God helps those who help themselves, God Brings People Into Our Lives for Life Lessons....
I continue my relationship with the husband of one of the women, his new wife who was a best friend to her, and another woman who I met here on DS and her partner. What made me leave the Church was their Refusal to accept same sex couples, 4 of these woman are partners and the Most Amazing Women I've Ever Met...I still love my Parish Priest...I just can't accept the Churches Doctrine any longer. I do miss it though. I agree totally with Bob, A Course In Miracles is an Amazing way to live....I had a friend from High School who lived the Meaning, her Spirit now sores in Heaven after living with MS for 35 years, to the point where she could not move her body at all....she never complained.
I also have gone to a wonderful medium who brought forth all the people I named, and I received comforting messages. Especially from my Grammy Molly who was also in a same sex relationship, had Huge Relationship with the Catholic Church and prayed the Rosary every day. Her message to me was 'Don't Loose Your Faith"~~
You'll find you way and what works for you, sending Prayers For Your Highest Good. ml
1. God is the most important thing in my life. This is for the simple reason that (a) I know He loves me, (2) I know He provided for me and (3) I know that He works for good in my life.
2. When I screw up, I am forgiven because of Jesus. The simplest way to explain it is that God requires justice. So in Old Testament days, people would have to sacrifice animals for their sins. Then God gave us His son, Jesus, as the ultimate sacrifice for our sins. Through Jesus our sins are forgiven. Completely. We are made as "white as snow." So you probably ask, how? It is the simplest thing - have faith that Jesus is God's son and that he was sacrificed for your sins (and mine, and everyone's). In other words, all you have to do is believe and you are forgiven - NO HELL FOR YOU!!!! HOORAY!!
3. Hell does exist but only for those that do not believe. God's role in hell is a tough question that I don't know the answer to precisely. I only know that God has given us a free pass to avoid hell simply by having faith.
4. There is only one God and God has one way of thinking. To better understand God, you need to read scripture. You will learn who God is, understand his character, understand how and why He loves you.
I would suggest you start by reading the Gospel of John. It is a beautiful writing showing Jesus' love and how He came to save us. If you want to discuss it further, please message me. Prayers to you!!