Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Hi everybody!
I just found this group! I'm glad.
I spent 22 years in a hard, hard marriage to an alcoholic bi-polar man; a man who is gifted and insightful, but also destructive, depressive and was usually cruel. To me, anyway.
It's been 4 years since he left, and he knows that I'm not going to take him back. We are friendly. I refused to become bitter and do that to myself.
I'm in a great new relationship with a long-time best friend. All is great- except I freeze when he shows strong emotions. It's only happened twice, but I'm like a deer in headlights, and will still back-pedal like crazy to make things ok. He's gone to Coda meetings for years himself and is working on his stuff. I need to keep working on mine.
I started a Self Esteem! Loving Ourselves group, which has some amazingly insightful, kind people on it. I'd love to see all of you there too. Here is the link if you want to check it out:
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/loving-ourselves
I look forward to getting to know all of you. : )
Cecilia
I just found this group! I'm glad.
I spent 22 years in a hard, hard marriage to an alcoholic bi-polar man; a man who is gifted and insightful, but also destructive, depressive and was usually cruel. To me, anyway.
It's been 4 years since he left, and he knows that I'm not going to take him back. We are friendly. I refused to become bitter and do that to myself.
I'm in a great new relationship with a long-time best friend. All is great- except I freeze when he shows strong emotions. It's only happened twice, but I'm like a deer in headlights, and will still back-pedal like crazy to make things ok. He's gone to Coda meetings for years himself and is working on his stuff. I need to keep working on mine.
I started a Self Esteem! Loving Ourselves group, which has some amazingly insightful, kind people on it. I'd love to see all of you there too. Here is the link if you want to check it out:
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/loving-ourselves
I look forward to getting to know all of you. : )
Cecilia
i am new to codenpendcy and don't have anything insightful to say other than maybe you are just scared when he shows strong emotions? It's new territory for you and you don't know how to handle it maybe.
I look forward to hearing more from you and have joined your other group!
In my recovery from codependency, one of my top goals, covered nicely by srv in a recent post, is learning to separate my feelings from those of another in an intimate relationship (or one that purports to be!). Perhaps you are trying to accept unacceptable behavior, if the strong emotion is rage, blame or attacking you. Or perhaps, if the strong emotion is being appropriately expressed, you may be having difficulty separating what your husband is feeling from what you are doing. It helps me to keep two things straight:
1) I am 100% for my behavior, thoughts, actions and no one else is at all repsonsible for those; and
2) The other person is 100% responsible for their feelings, behavior, thoughts, actions and I am not responsible for them.
In case I try to use these principles to let me off the hook when I act badly and watch someone else have a melt-down because of what I chose to do, if my behavior contributed to the pain or harm of another person, I am in the wrong for that behavior and need to make amends (change my behavior).
He's not behaving badly, and I still lose my skin. He has MS and sometimes gets really wiped out and becomes critical- usually not of me. But even then, I froze up, my mind went blank, and I felt like a child. I like what you said, Grace, about trying to remember that I'm 100% responsible only for my stuff. Ordinarily I know that. When someone else- anybody!- gets angry, I lose it completely.
Anybody familiar with this one? It's weird. I'm fairly smart and emotionally stable under ordinary circumstances. But I change completely in the face of anger- even when it's not directed at me. When it is coming my way.... Aargh.