He is making you responsible for him by giving his meds to you. Give them back to him and tell him it's up to him to control himself. I think you should take a break from this person. If I were you, I'd tell him to get his shit together then give you a call. You can't help him. He needs to do it on his own. He's obviously got issues, and it has to be up to him to straighten them out. If you are the type of person who gets caught up in others' issues (which I'm guessing you are since you're on a code site), then you should distance yourself from him or he will end up taking you down with him. I think your inner voice is telling you what you need to do. Listen to it.

Agreed....he just doesn't have anybody, I'm thinking maybe ill take some me time and drop his meds off to him and maybe it will be too much for me, I feel bad for him and I feel worse for myself. I love him, he's struggling, if it weren't for the fact he has a lease I'd suggest he go to rehab, I just don't know how you walk away from someone who's dying, sucks so bad, and my issues you could look at as just as bad, meaning, my need to help him could cause stress and all those things that can cause death just the same.... thank you for your suggestions.

Hi Try: You cannot prevent him from dying. You cannot be with him 24/7 to make sure he does not overdose. Being codependent does not prevent him from overdosing. YOU ARE NOT DOING THIS FOR HIM--YOU ARE DOING IT TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER and that's not a good reason. Forcing him to be independent on his own and facing his own addiction problems is what makes a difference.

He has to want to do this on his own. He has to seek treatment on his own and go through treatment on his own. He has to seek aftercare on his own. You cannot do it for him. You cannot fix him. Enabling him cripples him and does not help him, but only serves to keep him from hitting rock bottom and getting the help he needs.

You must leave as you do no real good.

f he cannot control himself he has a problem.Better yet, I should have said, he seems to notice he does.I would suggest rehab, ad leave it to him t go or not.He could pay his lease and go to rehab?

ok, a little off subject...you stated in your original post that he's your unofficial boyfriend, and yet in another post you stated you love him. If you truly love this unofficial man, you will let him do this on his own. Loving someone sometimes means you have to let them make their own mistakes. You can't run his life, and it would be unhealthy for YOU to continue to try. Take a step back, decide what you want for YOU, then do it. Give his meds back, and tell him to find someone else. You're doing it for you, not him.

@ross @clover, i don't think he could pay his lease AND go to rehab, I'm not sure, people have gone to rehab countless times, it's not a guarantee, nothing at this point is a guarantee, im debating on whethrr or not to continue to get involved with his recovery, i told him that if theres help for him w professionals, as far as the meds he doesnt have anyone to help him, the doc gives him the whole script and then expects him with his ocd to not compulsively take, so until i make whats best for me...I've been dropping the meds off to him and then leaving, I'm not sure if its beyond codependent or not, in all aspects I'm sure it is by definition, but it's on my way to work, it's not off the beaten path, I'm not sure if this will help, I'm looking at what I really need and want because as easy as it is to say to walk, to walk away completely seems hard to do at this time, I'm not into a situation where I give money, I don't give my car or anything other than my ear to Listen and my love for another human. Addiction is a whole different animal and animal I have never even known up until now and I'm lost at what to do because I'm not there yet, since i found drugs at his house its been almost a year, I won't physically or mentally be able to do this forever this I know, if I work on myself I will become stronger to not only be able to walk away and not look back but not get into this situation again. And yes, I do love him, he's a kind, gentle human being that's been taken over by a demon of addiction and I am going to meetings and books and strengthening myself, the meds I gotta decide if that's right for me or not, I wanted to see if anyone else had a similar experience, I'm not strong enough to walk yet, but I am trusting that the steps I'm taking will guide ME in the right direction...to be continued...thank you again for your posts

Hi Try: What you're doing is called denial and making excuses and no one can really help you.

I agree. He's making you responsible for his medication, and you are accepting that responsibility. As long as he can put his responsibilities off on others, he will. You may think you're helping him, but you're not. His doctor is there to help him. You are not his doctor, nor a family member. You are someone he can use for his own benefit, whatever that may be. As yourself what you are getting out of this. There has to be a reason why you are doing this for him. I don't believe it's just becasue you are a nice person (although I don't doubt you are). All of us do things because we're getting something out of it. What are you getting/hoping to get out of "helping" him? All of this "helping" is holding him back from facing his addiction and getting control over it. As long as you do it for him he won't have to. It doesn't matter whether he can afford to go to rehab and pay his lease. That is HIS issue, not yours. He has to be able to see the consequences of his actions in order to heal. You are holding him back.

He asked for help monitoring his meds, his sponsor told him based on his abusing his meds in the past to find someone he trusts to help him, he asked me and I felt conflicted, I told him since posting this to look into finding someone else, or maybe even rehab to give him a redo, I know I can't be the one that monitors his meds, he asked for help and I know he needs help, I just know I am not a professional and can not help him. I'm bitter and cynical about the medical community and the recovery community and addiction, it is baffling and so is coda, recovery is not guaranteed for me or him, I have not met one person who has done coda work for a number of years and has a recovery that I'd like to implement for myself. I admit I have no idea what I'm doing, I've lived my life up until a couple months ago wondering why I attracted Chaos and drama in my life...I am trying to work a plan for myself, get the strength to make decisions that are hard to make, i wish it were as easy as the words "walk away", I never took relationships that serious, I was able to walk away and most of the time I did, this is the only relationship that I've actually stayed in for more than 3 months and he's an addict. I'm building my strength and hope...I reach out bc I don't know...I appreciate the posts...I went to college, I never abused drugs, how the hell did this all happen? I can say my eyes are opening and awareness, even if its not 100%, it's a start, what will be will be, I have no control, I am powerless...day by day ill gain the strength I need, I truly believe that, I do not have that now...but I will get there...one day

I think it's a mistake for his sponsor to suggest that someone else be in charge of his meds. That's rediculous, IMO. How the hell is he supposed to learn to control himself if he gives control to someone else? Good for you for not being sucked into that chaos. I know how it feels being in a mess you could never have envisioned for yourself. I grew up with an alcoholic father, and I married what I thought was one of the farthest things away from my father, and bam! he's an alcoholic now too! I too wonder how the hell that happened to me. He was a good guy from a good family with good values. After a couple of years of therapy I've learned that there were actually signs he had alcoholic tendencies, but I overlooked them because so much else was so good about him. I chalk it up to dating inexperience, and I must admit a little desparation on my part (18 and boyfriendless!). I'm glad that I've finally learned to see the red flags and will definitely avoid them if I should choose to date in the future.

I agree with you and others on here.

He is making you responsible for him by giving you his meds. Give them back to him, tell him it's up to him to control himself!

You should consider not dating people with addidctions. Its very unhealthy for you.

Dave