emotional boundaries are like a wall of protection from toxic behavior/or words...an invisible shield to protect yourself emotionally from being pulled into the bs, of negativity. Detaching with love from the person, and not accepting their behavior. hope this helps...at one point I was being put into the middle of an active alcoholic/dry drunk who lived in separate rooms/lives in the same house...when I went to visit one would get mad because I was spending time with the other....dido for the other...fighting erupted...prior, I Stated Clearly, When You Both Start Fighting, I'm Leaving...and out the door I went...I did this a few times and 'they got it'...I also separated myself from them for a year...the behaviors were making me ill....my dear parents....ya got to love them, forgive them for they are human and have faults just like I do....'detatch with love'.....ml

I had to figure this out the hard way - by banging into it with my head. You make a boundary when you can't take something any more and something inside you wells up and says 'no! Never again!' And you become allergic and your body rejects it. Boom. And then when that happens you have to learn tact fast.

Setting boundaries takes time especially reparenting yourself when you have lived with out them . I think pia melody explains it well and also reading up on the different boundaries there are both internal and external did help me understand and learn to refocus when I'm taking on anything I don't need to .

I used to think I was just a open book and work my heart on my sleeves, the truth is I didnt have much mental or emotional boundaries . Codependents can sometimes offend by not having them , I know I used and still fall back into it at times .

Dr Henry Cloud has a few good books people
Seem to Like, boundaries and then safe people.

I have learned mine thru alanon, i think boundaries
Are very hard with unsafe people.. The smart thing
is to Stay away from them as much as possible And
learn how to apply good healthy boundaries around
Yourself.

I had to learn so much first to be able to really Enforce
them. Most unsafe people do not want You to change
and grow. They don't like boundaries, dysfunctional
People Are people without healthy boundaries. Never
mind if they are bullies or abusers On top of it. Bullies
target people with weak boundaries.

I had to think in the word I, instead of "you". Its about
getting Your power back and not allowing anyone to
take it away from you ever again. Trying to come from
a place of I, i need, I want, i think, i feel, I desire. "You"
Is blaming word and not owning your power.

There is just so much to learn, one thing begets another
Thing. Alanon and CODA address those issues. I know i
Sound like a broken record. I have been on my path since
2012 and it feels like i am barely scratching the surface.

It really depends on your upbringing and what your life
Is like now. I had a difficult time with boundaries with my
Ex. My boundaries were always weak with him not good
In the long run.

A healthy relationship needs both people having self love
Onboard And good healthy strong boundaries. I hope my
Next relationship will be much better and healthier. HUGS

If you do not carry through with what you say when you decide upon a boundary then you are not creating consistency for the other person. Think of how we are taught to raise children, we establish rules, consequences for breaking those rules and never say anything that we are not going to carry through.

By creating boundaries and carrying through with the actions then you also do what you say and say what you do. It's all positive.

I like Vicki Tidwell Palmer's 5-step boundary solution. It's based on her book: Moving Beyond Betrayal. It's geared toward wives of SA, but the principles can be generalized. My favorite part is identifying my power center. It really helps me stay out of victim. Here is an overview of her process:
1.DEFINE YOUR CURRENT PROBLEM(S) THROUGH KNOWING YOUR REALITY.
2.IDENTIFY THE NEEDS THAT AREN’T BEING MET AND CREATE A VISION FOR THE FUTURE.
3.IDENTIFY WHERE YOU HAVE POWER.
4.TAKE ACTION WHERE YOU HAVE THE POWER TO EFFECT CHANGE.
5.EVALUATE THE RESULTS TO DETERMINE IF YOUR GOAL HAS BEEN ACCOMPLISHED OR FURTHER BOUNDARY WORK IS NEEDED
You can signup and get the Quick Start Guide (free) from her website: vickitidwellpalmer.com