Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I hate being codependent. I know he was not right for me. He spoiled me, rubbed my feet after work, cooked for me, finished my sentences, was my best friend, we had the same interests, and same future goals. But he was an alcoholic who blamed me for his alcohol binges when we fought, he had anger management issues which he blamed me for as the only person who ever made him that angry, and had money issues that he had no desire to figure out. I had jealousy and self esteem issues. When we were good, we were amazing, hence us moving in together and looking at rings an talking about marriage. But when it got ugly, it got ugly. Now our friends and families don't approve of us for each other, and we are in NC, 2 weeks today. Usually we go back and fourth, so this is the longest it has been. I am sad because the reality that it is over is starting to set in. I am not strong enough to imagine him being with somebody else yet, and I just want to sit at home alone and be sad and cry. I know looking back it was unhealthy, he called me every horrible name in the book, and had no desire to improve his life, but I can't help but think if he only went to therapy and realized he is an alcoholic and has anger issues, it would be so much better. I am going to therapy and coda, and it's amazing how much I have learned about myself and out lost relationship. The letting go now is the hardest part, my codependent self misses him a lot. Having a real tough time and today is a real sad day for me :(
It sounds like you are doing all the right things for yourself.....continue on this journey.
Keep feeling your feelings all the way through, they will be helpful reminders when you run into temptations of "getting back together" or find another person with the same red flags....it will remind you where you are today and you will steer clear in the future.
Also, it is good for us to have our feelings thoroughly anyway, we get so caught up in the feelings that are dictated by others, we forget that we even have or had feelings in the first place.....so now it is your turn to fully enjoy the roller coaster ride of having your own emotions....all to yourself and for you to be able to take care of them in the way you need.....all the while it being the first step in becoming the new you, who won't go down that same slippery path again to end up here.....you are breaking a cycle and that means...hurting goes along with it, but when the good feelings come into your world, you will feel them all the more vividly!
Congrats on turning that page, and getting on with making you worth something....it is going to gift you with rewards and relationships you never thought possible! Continue taking care of you xxoo!! And don't worry, these negative feelings will pass.....I Promise!
I can bet you overcame all this and now have a different point of view of the situation. I hope so.
I've already learned something tho: heal your heart, and everything else will be fine.
It was that realization that allowed me to let go and move on. Once I figured out that he was never going to change, that drugs and alcohol had claimed him and I would never be able to have what I wanted with him and he was NOT the man that I thought he was or wanted him to be I was done. It took him dating someone else that was trailer trash, married to another man, refused to work but let him support her and him choosing her over me that finally made me see who he really was. He used me, asked me for money, said he would leave her for me, told me what I wanted to hear to get what he wanted from me (money!) and then I found out that his new girlfriend was in on the whole thing. I felt really dumb, but I also felt free. I was done waiting for him to change. It was exactly what I needed to be able to move on.
Sometimes we have to look at who someone is right now, rather than who they used to be. My life motto now is "Actions speak louder than words" Ignore what they say but pay attention to what they do. If they chose alcohol over you, that's who they really are.
Maya Angelou said it best "When people show you who they are, believe them."