Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Now that I'm in the process of recovering from codependency, I'm a little afraid of making new friendships. In the past, I would always knock myself out to be supportive and helpful. I was always good about keeping in touch. I tried to be thoughtful. I know now that I was a little too care-taking.
I understand the importance of boundaries and taking care of my needs now. I guess I don't want to come across as too needy/clingy with new people I meet. Yet , I don't want to give off the impression that I'm standoffish and not interested in developing a friendship. I feel like a baby learning how to walk. This is so new to me, because in the past I was always open and able to make friends quickly. Now I think I should hold back... but maybe I'm missing out on some great experiences. I guess I'm afraid. Has anyone else felt this way?
I understand the importance of boundaries and taking care of my needs now. I guess I don't want to come across as too needy/clingy with new people I meet. Yet , I don't want to give off the impression that I'm standoffish and not interested in developing a friendship. I feel like a baby learning how to walk. This is so new to me, because in the past I was always open and able to make friends quickly. Now I think I should hold back... but maybe I'm missing out on some great experiences. I guess I'm afraid. Has anyone else felt this way?
Firstly, I just want to say that being supportive, caring and thoughful are admirable qualities. The reason it is so easy to confuse kindness and co-dependency is that they are essentially the same behavior within different contexts. Kindness is NOT the same as being a doormat.To be kind means to give unconditionally, to share, to show that you care for another person. When the giving, sharing and caring is reciprocated by a healthy individual, the condition is kindness. However, if you find the kindness is not reciprocated, when you find yourself giving and giving and giving, this is co-dpendancy, not kindness.
Be honest with yourself and ask yourself if your acts of kindness are a means of control and manipulation. Co-dependents exert enormous amounts of energy trying to "help" another;We need to feel "needed" and useful. Ask yourself if you are enabling the other person to remain in an unhealthy situation. Codependent people gain their sense of self worth from their relationship to the needy person, lavishing them with all their time and attention, never looking at or filling the hole in their own personality.
At the same time, try not to be too hard on yourself if you don't always get it right. This is new for you and something that takes practice.
I wish you the best.
Go ahead, be yourself, and hopefully, you'll find the right kind of people who gel well with and respond well to this!