Hi so today I had my "Epic Realization" of the day, I am codependent, hi.
had my freak out because of the term, talking to my councellor tomorrow but pretty certain, I belong here. It's actually reassuring, my "crazy" fits this mould. And it's not just me, it's my partners too, been struggling to understand a bad break up and why it hit me so hard, it fits.
Currently wondering if its possible to switch roles? Taker to Caretaker. I think I did this, years ago I was in a truly awful abusive Trainwreck of a relationship, I did a lot of work on myself and thought I was past it, no longer the "victim". But I never saw a professional, never called it codependent, I think without dealing with the core of my problem I simply switched roles to the caretaker. It makes a lot of sense in many ways, my parents are the full set so it's all I know and I hadn't realized the caretakers role was a problem that seemed normal to me. I think I had improved also, not as bad if still lots of work to do, still I knew some behaviours to watch myself for, I know I felt more secure in myself, at least until the end, when he cheated my self esteem nose dived and then the victim role made an appearance again.
Does this make sense? Do people think I'm on the right track here? Validate me (haha, yup that's definitely a thing I do but I would love some input)
Ok it is now 2:38 and I’m counting down the minutes. For what I keep asking myself, because it doesn’t matter where I am it hurts and I’m sick at my stomach. I think I’m waiting for the passage of time, but what if I relax in the pain, feel it, look around and feel life all around. I know this will be hard but I know it could be so worse and I am so blessed. I feel ashamed of my sadness...
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change;The courage to change the one person I can;And the wisdom to know that person is me.