Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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ladyla 02/27/2012

Hey all,

I just wanted to reach out. I've been stuck in a rut recently that has left me just feeling exhausted. I end up in the same rut every few weeks or so (the codependent in me wanting to stay on the emotional rollercoaster), but this time it just feels awful. Primarily, I am lonely. I am married and my husband is awesome, but we moved across the country almost 3 years ago and I miss my friends and family dearly. I have made a few friends here, but I have such close friends at home...it's just not the same. I go to school online, and work twice a week as a nanny for small children (for an old friend, ironically), so I have few social outlets. I'm also in a band, but the guys I play with are all in their 20s (I'm in my 30s) and party more than I would like to.

This past week or two, I've just felt joyless. And exhausted and unmotivated. I get things done, but it takes a lot to do them. I don't want to do anything. I'm not excited about anything I need to do. Part of the problem is that my life is so unstructured these days (I used to work 10-6, have a 1 hour commute, see friends, family, and be in two bands back home). My attempts to structure my life have put everything on a "to-do" list - even the fun things. And when I do go out and have fun, but maybe drink a little too much or smoke a cigarette or two, I immediately poo-poo on the fun I had because of the "bad" stuff I did. I'm trying to make things better, but I'm my own worst enemy right now. I can't seem to get the balance right now. I just feel so low at the moment I can barely think.

:(

deleted_user 02/27/2012

Ladyla I don't think you're the only one who goes through this. I can tell you right now that a lack of structure and productive things can do is one of the worst things you can do to yourself. Don't get me wrong. We all need a little relaxation, but when relaxation becomes a lifestyle, it's like eating sweets for every meal. It's not healthy.

If you sleep too much that can contribute to your exhaustion. I'm not saying there aren't codependent reasons to make you do these things, but I think what you are going through is self induced depression. Seize your day. Grab it by the ass and don't let it go. Dictate to yourself you are going to have a great day. Look for productive and constructive things to do with your time. You said you're in a band? Let them party and you work on new music, lyrics, etc.

What I'm trying to get at is we all make the bed we lie in. Don't like the way your blankets smell? Wash them. Do something about the problems. Lead the way and your emotions will eventually follow.

deleted_user 02/27/2012

I empathize with you! I've been going through the exact same thing. I can't really even explain why.....just in a complete funk. Everything is a chore, I'm being horrible to myself, like you "joyless". I even did what you spoke of in regards to going out last weekend....was out w/ my hubby, drank alot, smoked a few cigs, & felt like the worst person/parent on earth.

I hope it gets better for you ....and me. Vent to me anytime...I know what you're going through.

sassybabe11 02/27/2012

yeah understand for sure. life is so busy that we dont take time to smell the roses. i always have a list of things to do also and my advice is be nice to yourself and every monring before you get out of bed tell yourself it is going to be a good day and relax and dont be critical of yourself. it is hard to move and start over and find new friends. i did not like where i lived before but alfter moving 3 years ago was depressed and missed my old place. finally things seem to be coming together and letting go of co-workers and my old house. i just try to think that each day is a gift and - FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT.

ladyla 02/28/2012

Thanks everyone. It's definitely self-induced, but also definitely part of my codependent pattern. I AM productive (I'm in graduate school with a 4.0 - no easy feat) and I don't sleep a lot or anything like that, it's just that I have been having a hard time finding the fun lately.

Thanks for the empathy, BeattieFan and you're right, Sassy, I need to be gentle with myself. I hope things move in a positive direction for us all. Luckily, last night when my husband got home I expressed my concerns for myself, so he took us out to dinner and a movie. :) Told ya he's awesome. We talked about how I will go out and have fun and then immediately "shit on it". He agreed with me and we talked about stopping that behavior, accepting the fun I have, and finding other ways to have fun, too.

Thanks for the support,, everyone. Hope you're having a lovely day!
La

deleted_user 02/28/2012

When I was in grad school I struggled too. I plannedc a trip to go on when I graduated so I had a big goal, something to cling to and look forward to everyday. What's something you really want to do when you graduate? Grad school is grueling and you need to reward the hard work you have done because along the path we codependents can be extremely hard on our selves. Relieving this self punishing treatment by a reward always works for me. I get the 4.0 (or 3.9 in my case) and I get a sweet vacation out of the deal!

ladyla 02/29/2012

I'm getting a sweet new tattoo out of the deal. :) Oh, and a new career.

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