Well I am this for them is what i am seeing here. What are you for yourself? Have you ever defined that?

When I dont take care of my needs thats when i feel i criticize myself more.

Good point. All these feelings you have relate to how others see you. I know it's hard, but stop focusing on what you think others want out of you and focus on what YOU want out of you. No one is perfect, and we all need others to rely on from time to time. If you feel this way often, please consult with a good codependency therapist. I've been seeing one for 2 years and it has really helped me to put things in a different perspective. I found out I was my own worst enemy. I expected all kinds of things of myself that no one else was expecting, and then by overdoing all those years, others came to expect it of me and I got resentful because I felt unappreciated. But I did that to myself. Yes my STBX was an abusive, drunken, nasty ass, but that didn't mean I had to cover for him and become 2 parents to my kids so that he didn't have to do anything. I've learned to let go of what I can't control and just live my life for me. It really is very liberating.

What I see here is you are falling into the trap of a lot of bad self talk. I don't believe that the others see you the way you think they are seeing you. This is all your own self hate or disillusionment with yourself that is doing this.
I bet you that if your were to ask the others about their perception of you, it would be nothing like this.
Please look at all the good things you are and you do. Focus on the positives. If you don't acknowledge yourself and accept yourself it is very hard to not fall into the pit of self hate and self pity. If you focus on the positives, you can start working on building those up and changing your life for the good.
Sadly you will drive your bf or friends away if you are so down on yourself all the time. It is hard to keep up a relationship with someone who cannot see the good in themselves and be happy with who they are, because they suck the energy out of one.

I know exactly where you are - I've been there many times. Take some time for you. Read a few pages from "Codependent No More", take a long hot bath, fix your favorite meal, smile at yourself in the mirror and just try to treat yourself a little. You deserve it and you deserve it now. Take care of the most important person in your life - YOU. I know that's all easier said than done, but you can do it. You might also try reading through the list of affirmations at http://www.12steps.org/12stephelp/shortreads/AFFIRM.htm. Even when I don't feel that I beleive them, saying them seems to help me refocus a little.

I really see that as an ego thing.

Egos are usually grandiose as in we have to be perfect at everything and be best at everything and can not possibly be wrong, so now it is your (UC Angel's) ego beating you up for not living up to your ego ideals.

Everyone has an ego and it is a hard thing to put down.

This ego type of self-beating is what causes severe depressions and drives people to suicides, because you are really fighting against your self as the ego has a life of its own.

I went through my own withdrawal pains, as in my past life I ruined my own marriage and was a horrible father to my son and I destroyed my own life in very many ways, so that for me to move on then my old ego had to die - or at least stop beating me down.

In this link below I am not telling you to meditate as that is up to your self, but see how it describes what is and is not the ego as the ego is a real and powerful thing and this link below explains it rather well.

Link = "... never seek to directly attack and defeat the ego ..." =
http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Beat-Your-Ego&id=6362504

People simply must some how cross over by accepting our screwed up past life and let it die, and be born again as a new person, starting over again with a clean slate - a new improved ego based on experience instead of the old ideals.

This is just sharing my own perspective based on my own experience and belief.

Another thing is that you need to understand that God forgives you, as God forgives us all for our assorted failures and screw-ups, because then you can start to forgive your self.

Once we know that God forgives us then no one else can condemn us or make us to feel like a failure and criticize our wrongs, including that we can then forgive our self and stop condemning your self.

It is okay or it is human to have been wrong, and it happens that we make horrible mistakes and failures, so no one is ever perfect.

It doesn't mean that you have done things wrong, it means you're having a bad day or a few bad days and we all go through that. We tend to be our worst comentators.

If you stopped to list everything you have done in your life, you would probably be at the SuperWoman list. But right now, you're feeling down and it's a bad day. That's okay.

You have many good things you have done and still do. Stop running yourself down and take today to appreciate yourself. Hugs.

Thank you all for your replies. They have truly helped. I am definitely my own worst enemy. I am feeling better but still having a bit of anxiety. I honestly believe it is stemming from one main source. I am at a point with my boyfriend of 8 months that I am afraid of losing something. I treated it all very casually in the beginning but I have crossed some imaginary line where I feel i have something to lose and know if I do it will hurt like hell. This is where I have to practice self-control and not start asking the questions all men hate, "are we ok?", "where is this headed", "are you mad at me?", "Did I do something wrong?". I have not felt the need to be needy or to control the situation with him but I am getting these urges and fighting them tooth and nail. I want the obligatory "I miss you" or "Thinking of you" text because I did not see him this weekend (he worked). I am happy I am recognizing this for what it is, but ugh!! this is an awful way to feel.

CODA has a saying, you can do it just for today or any day.

"Give yourself a break."

"Facing CO-Dependence" and the workbook are very good resources. I also wanted to say that when we look for our value in other people, we will be disappointed and left with emptiness. I have turned to God because I know with Him my value is priceless no matter what I've done. And that will NEVER CHANGE WITH HIM. He is helping me face this giant. Without Him, I don't thinkI could.

i have felt the same way many times before. it is when i am feeling bad about myself in general and stressed out. i try this phrase- what others think of me is none of my business, we cant change the past and if we have done things that we knew were wrong then we just have to make amends. if it is un warranted guilt then you have to realize that that is what it is and read about code and a councelor would be helpful. it is a very sad situation to feel like your feeling. as has been said focus on the positive. going to find some good readings for you and post in a few things that have helped me

I am co dependent..I wish I had taken some action and found help at the age 0f 43 when I needed to really do something....But, I didn't..Age 60...took action....finally....joined A.A. been sober 8 yrs. now....I never took care of myself..I always thought I was supposed to take care of everyone elso..Didnt think I was Supposed to have boundaries......I thank God that I am still here ..I have been given a second chance..It is never too late for any one.. Also, I read and study all books byMelody Beattie and go to alanon also..