I commented about this before which you rejected, so now I try again, as what you describe is called "lust" and it is a normal human emotion but in codependency we learn not to let our emotions to rule our life.

The real meaning of "love" is about an outgoing care and concern for the welfare and dignity of the other person(s).

Real love is NOT obsessive or controlling or addictive.

To lust means an emotion where we crave and where we want for our self and for our own gratification.

Lust is feeding our self instead of caring for the other person.

And "lust" does NOT just mean sex, as we can lust for power, lust for money and position, lust for companionship, lust for revenge, lust for our superiority, because lust can be a complicated emotion.

An "emotion" means to move as in motion, to have an energized motion as in e-motion, and that is why it keeps you up at night and pulls you to do things that you do not want to do, because there is real human energy driving that e-motion.

And this is NOT saying that is the psychology behind your relationship with that other woman - no, it is only the psychology behind your self, as it is only your own emotions controlling your life instead of you controlling your own emotions, and has nothing to do with your ex.

Just giving my perspective here based on my years of study and experience, and just trying to give info that could be helpful.

While time does tend to heal, you must actively engage in moving forward, or you will stay stuck. You are obsessed with her. In order to break that obsession you need to refocus your attention onto something (not someone) else. How about getting some therapy to figure out why you are so hung up on her. I get that you love her and want a relationship with her, but she doesn't want one with you. It really doesn't matter why, or what her issues are. You 2 are done, and the sooner you face that, the sooner you can move on with your life. You can't just sit around and wait for time to heal your wounds because you aren't doing anything to help the process, and in fact you're doing a lot to stay stuck in that dark place by continuing to focus on what went wrong and why. Time to look forward and get moving in that direction.

love addict AND love avoidant are terms to describe a set of symptoms of codependency. As such, they are not treatable because the underlying issue must be addressed and the codependency healed so you are both functioning in a healthy way rather than so focused on protecting yourselves.

Think of it like going to the ER with appendicitis and having the doctor give you pain pills and anti nausea meds. It is the wrong focus. Symptoms point to a deeper issue that must be healed so you can live.

In all codependents, there is a giant hole left from not receiving sufficient quantities of unconditional love.
Love addicts seek love to fill the hole.
love avoidant avoid getting involved to protect anyone from noticing that great hole.
Two sides of the same coin. But heal the codependency and both can live healthy lives.

Time only helps when we do the work that time provides.
Spending so much time together will leave much space for loneliness, sadness, and terrible grief! It is like having ones mother die. Working thru that grief is necessary, then healing the codependency for both of you so you can have a healthy life together OR you can move on to find someone who wants healthy relationships.

Sadly, going back to her with the two of you in this current state is only going to trap you both in this dance of dysfunction and pain. The choice is yours. But is seems that what you are doing now is not working well for you. Try working on some of those codependent issues. See how much better a relationship can be when it is built on healthy communication and skills. You may find it more satisfying.

I wrote this when I was feeling suicidal and stuck. I dont have good and bad days I have good and bad hours im literally take it an hour at a time right now. Thank you all for your responses. I spent most of the day in bed crying and sleeping but tonight am feeling a little more clarity. More often than not my emotions are clouding my logic and I have no ability to see reason. I do care about her wellbeing and want nothing but happiness and good health for her as hard as it it for me to admit
I do feel a craving for her everyday which may be a lust for safety and comfort I guess and a lust for control. I am seeing a psychologist and she is fantastic but I wisg I could see her on a daily basis. Mornings are the worst. I just dont see the point of being alive most days. I have no self esteem or self worth and so I have no motivation to move forward. How do I move forward when there is nothing in the future I want. I have this hope in the back of my head that separately we can both get better and one day be together again. I am stuck. I am resisting. I know this, but I feel too crazy to do anything about it. Logically I know we are no good for each other right now. That doesnt stop me from missing my best friend every day. The pain is unbearable most days. Thank you for taking the time to reply, just needed a vent. I just dont see it ever getting better. How do you move forward when there is nothing in the future for you?

There is only one truly healthy way for anyone to have meaning and purpose in life and thereby to give us all something to look forward to, and that is done through a personal relationship with God and our own religious faith.

Now-a-days it is very common that many people reject the notion of God and as such they are stealing away the only hope for people.

And for codependency it is an important distinction that I am talking about a "relationship" with God, because the codependency destroys our relationships and that needs to be reversed.

Any person must first know God before we can - "Let go and let God".

We can not control things in this world so letting God take control is really the best way to deal with most problems we ever face in this world.

Most likely your GF sees that you are too needy and clingy and far too attached which is probably what pushes her away.

The reason to delay our own suicide is not so that we can live, but we need to do it so that we can first make our death to count for something.

To kill our self just because we are miserable makes the death as pointless, but if we can do some thing important first then our death can count as some thing positive.

As like a soldier in a war puts his helmet over a grenade and gets himself blown up but he saves the lives of the other soldiers standing around and so that suicide saved lives.
Then some woman saves her child but not her self,
Link http://www.nairaland.com/751489/china-earthquake-how-mother-saved

Our lives might be miserable and might stat miserable, so we need to make our death to count for some thing better than a meaningless suicide.

P.S.
I have lust too but I do not let the emotion to control me, and that is the distinction, as we must govern our feelings and our emotions or else they will control us and make our living very uncomfortable.

Link http://www.erosresearch.org/index.php/emotion_regulation/an%20easy%20guide/

give yourself permission and time to grieve.

Time does lessen the pain. Allow yourself to rebuild your own life.
maybe she will use u as safety net. Let's hope that you don't n won't be, a door mat

A life time ago I allowed myself to have a slip over some guy that I gave myself up to be with him. I throught that I couldn't live w/o him. will dear I look back n want to thank him for being a spring board for me.
In hinn sight I wasn't actually in love w him. I was a door mat.

U too may have temporary stunted your growth.

You will be fine. ya it hurts like @#$%$@ but we learn n end up being a better/wiser person.
X's