Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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hbgdaystar 12/13/2011

Its really weird what fear can do to you. The whole drama my Ex created over the weekend helps me only understand that he did what he did for the "fear of loosing his control over me". That is a great achievement for me because i stood up for myself.

Infact he helped me realise this hot button i had - During my childhood days as soon as my dad approached the entrance door from work we dreaded how his mood was. We would run into a room sit in a corner and act as if reading even though there was huge adrenaline rush, ears all towards the door of the room. We ( me and my brother ) behaved so well even though scared because he may just come yell at us or beat us up any moment for no reason.

The whole incident of my Ex breaking down the door and barging inside my house reminded me of the incident...As i write this I cry... I wish my childhood was happy as other children were. To hell with Alcoholics, Drug Addicts, Sexual maniacs, Narcissts and other pathological people... Hate them. Their dysfunction causes so much dysfunction in the family. Sometimes i even think what was my fault?

An alcoholic abusive father, Mothers suicide at age of 6 a step mom and 2 brothers and so much dysfunction in the family passing on to next generations. Have an alcoholic ex-husband a codependent to be daughter of 13, a bad relationship with an addict and what else....

In a hope that codependency recovery will help me stop this abuse to me myself any further. God be with me.

deleted_user 12/13/2011

Hi Friend,

Sending you (((Hugs))). I can relate to that ill feeling when someone comes home, waiting with fear to see what might set them off. And we pay for it all for a long time. :(

I am keeping you (and all of us) in prayers.

Shar

deleted_user 12/14/2011

I can resonate with the feeling of coming to understand and see the true self deep within is wounded and needs healing. Claiming oneself in all its beauty and pain can be so enlightening. May leave you shaky but it is so worth truly coming to know who we are.May you be blessed with peace and compassion for yourself.

BuffyS 12/14/2011

My mother was a borderline so I totally relate to that "what kind of modd are they in; what will set them off?" fear throughout my childhood. To this day, I have high anxiety and depression from that stress-induced childhood.

Do you take any meds for your anxiety? I have been using zoloft, now Lexapro for 28years and while it is not a panacea, it sure does take the edge off the anxiety and depression.

hbgdaystar 12/14/2011

Frankly I don't believe in Meds as a long term solution. The process of healing happens only when you feel grieve and let it go and that is what has been happening. The above blog was a way of my grieving it out and Codependency Recovery is very helpful so far, but very harsh and cruel reality at times to deal with. There has been easier ways to cope up with before and even now but they are all wrong ways of attracting more trouble. At-least that is what i realized. Nothing Thats great comes easy....so is codependency recovery. I know there is light out there ... Working on recovery is all what i have to do....

One of my good friends said when you think your problem seems to be great draw a small line and now think about bigger problems other have now draw a longer line. which one seems bigger?

deleted_user 12/14/2011

This sounds like my childhood, only my father wasn't physically abusive just verbally, and an alcoholic. So of course I married an alcoholic myself! 24 years later I left and now in the process of discovering myself. I have a fear of yelling. I don't like it when anyone does it. It scares me and takes me back. Good for you for working on yourself. I wish you luck! This site has helped me tremendously, as has therapy.

peggsu2 12/15/2011

" During my childhood days as soon as my dad approached the entrance door from work we dreaded how his mood was. We would run into a room sit in a corner and act as if reading even though there was huge adrenaline rush, ears all towards the door of the room. We ( me and my brother ) behaved so well even though scared because he may just come yell at us or beat us up any moment for no reason"

I could have written this...I have been diagnosed with PTSD from growing up in this "war" zone....
((((((hugs))))))

deleted_user 12/19/2011

(((hy))many hugs to you. If you have not had a chance to read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker, it may be something you might want to check out. As you may have seen from some of my posts on another site, I can completely understand your situation. Living in fear is a horrible way to live. This book has helped me realize how to honor my fear and move past it. Much love to you.

deleted_user 12/20/2011

Hi I am thinking of you.I had neglect as a child and can relate to much of what you say.

deleted_user 12/20/2011

Oh my goodness... I just posted on another post a very similar story. Same childhood scenario. When my dad would pull up in the driveway I would run like hell. I never even saw him drink a drop, but he was a dry drunk, and so full of rage.

Now I'm 38, almost three years sober, recently divorced from an alcoholic/addict, and trying so hard to relinquish my own rage. I know I am codependent. And it hurts. It hurts so damn bad.

Hearing your recovery is sooooo inspiring to me. Thank you for showing the process in action. It encourages me to keep going when I hear others persevering through recovery without giving it to the "meds."

deleted_user 12/20/2011

I should have read this before I posted. You explained a lot in this thread! I, too, grew up in an abusive home, and I knew how the evening was going to go just by the look on my mother's face when she picked me up from school. It has made a huge impact on my adulthood. I am incredibly sensitive to the moods of others--- including my own children! I am interested in learning soso so much more.

sassybabe11 12/20/2011

how many people experience the fear of a parent coming home, gosh i hear this all the time. it is sad and not right to be so afraid as a child. have to realize that the parent had alot of problems to be like that and that we did not do anything wrong to deserve to be afraid.it causes people to be so self critical and destroys self esteem. did not personally experience that but am sure that my childern, who are adults now, felt that way sometimes, this is hurtful that i let them experience that.. kids should not have to fear their there parents. sorry that u experienced that. it was not your fault.

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