Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
hi friends,
after lot of research since ive come on board ive made some great research and hope to make some permenant changes in me.. i know its a tough journy. i recently wrote a question how to change my codependency nature and yogat3 suggested i read the book boundries by cloud and townsend. it was a great read and it took me a step closer in realising the root of my problem. codependent people lack healthy boundries. they dont know where their property starts and ends their just enmashed with everyones thoughts and behaviours. Great article on boundries : http://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/healthy-boundaries.htm
at the end of each day im exhausted from constantly doing. i have boundriless days that go something like this.
8:00am wake up late, get kids dressed for school, skip my breakfast, send kids of frazzled to school,
8:45am grab my phone and call some needy freinds and family (if they havent yet called) try to cook supper and clean house whilst listening and giving advice(its an addiction for some reason as soon as i send kids off to school i grab my phone and get those needy people on my ear.. its like alcholol to the addicted ones)
eat any junk thats lying around
12:15 stop half way cleaning and cooking, grab some clothes put on quick makeup and run to work. buy a sandwhich on way, arrive late to work, overdo my part of the job and constantly please my boss, listen to some more needy people in work.
4:00 leave work fetch kids. Let kids take out lots of toys cos i have a boundry problem.. try and give supper whilst kids are leaving table there goes my boundry prob.. i eat leftover from kids plates..
6:00 husband comes home i fall onto couch exhausted looking pale.. he tries helping kids tidying mess and put them to sleep.
7:00 hub serves himself supper whilst i babble (boundry problem)
8:00 clean kitchen whilst talking and listening to some more needy ppl that need my advice desperatly and then i stop and try everything i could to bail them out sometimes even running out eg bringing a post partum woman a cream cos shes soo alone and no one helps her...
finish cleannig and organising house whilst doing many other things for other people
12am fall into bed exhausted
as u see i have no personal structure to my day. everyone around dictates my day. i dont know how to eat 3 meals a day or pamper myself. ive got a closet full of vitamins that i advise people on health but dont take. i have a closet full of makeup that i can advise ppl but i dont wear... all im doing is running on a constant treadmill without slowing down...
i want to start from tommorow jounaling my days and including new healthy boundries... if anyones interested in reading and commenting itll give me soo much encouragement..
HUGS TO BRILLIANT PPL OUT THERE THAT ARE CONSTANTLY LOOKING TO CHANGE AND BETTER THEMSELVES....
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It's been some time since my last post...sorry. I've been going through a challenging time with the sale of my home, purchase of a condo and my adult asperger son that lives with me. I've had days where I couldn't get out of bed, days where I stayed in my pj's and days where all I managed to do was eat, drink fluids and take care of my Sweet Mia kitty. Sweet Mia came to me from a shelter about...
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If I come to DS and it won't do anything when I click "Login", I go to a post, click and then click "Leave a Reply". Then it will let me log in.Of course, sometimes DS just goes to "Error 504". Then I can't log in.
This article really helped me understand it in basic terms it explains how codependents have defense mechanisms instead of boundaries which helped us survive in dysfunctional families as children -
http://hamrah.co/en/pages/boundaries-and-codependency/
And emotional manipulators. They do not like
Them some people are worse than others.
Normal people don't push your boundaries
It the dysfunctional sick ones that do. Its a
Sport to them especially if they got their way
Before.
My mother hates my new boundaries But if
she wants a relationship with me she Has to
respect them. I went thru a lot to get her To
that point. She was pretty relentless still is if
I give her an inch she wants a mile. HUGS
all want the same compliant you back.
I had a terrible time with my ex with boundaries
Even with us both in recovery. I was much better
With everyone else.
I had a hard time detaching from him too even after
the Divorce. My boundary was i went no contact and
Moved out of town but it still took me 18 months To
detach from him.
So in my case if you are attached it is much harder
To use boundaries and really enforce them. HUGS
I was running away from me!
So my question to you is what are you running away from, and where do you want to go to make a better life for you, your kids and husband. The road to making boundaries is not easy! and you will be 'tested' by those who have zapped your life energy. Sometimes it is necessary to say goodbye to people who are not willing to support your changes...for me, in your shoes...a clear routine for kids, house, meals, and YOU time! check out flylady.net..lots of help there to get your life in order/routine for most Everything :) best to you on your journey to take back Your Life! ml