Good quote!

"Do you have trouble being direct and speaking your truth? Each time you do you grow your Real Self. When you don't, you reinforce your codependency."

~ Codependency Recovery

I see this News story about people saying Angelina Jolie was brave for having a double mastectomy, and then Melissa Etheridge came out and said that it was NOT brave as it was the most fearful choice that could have been made.

See link = http://music.yahoo.com/blogs/stop-the-presses/melissa-etheridge-calls-angeline-jolie-decision-double-massectory-204340978.html

In codependency we too need to be able to define our feelings and our actions correctly too.

She acted out of fear, and it was not done out of bravery.

The way that I learned is like this:

Feelings come into the person - which is why they are felt.

Emotions go out from the person - as like the motion or e-motion or energized motion.

Feelings come inward, while emotions go outward.

As in example = When we feel fear then the fear is the feeling, but then we react as afraid then afraid is the emotion as being afraid is what comes out.
So too if one feels fear then to react with bravery, then that bravery is the emotion.

Feelings we feel, and emotions are our motion.

And I am not here saying that Angelina did wrong, but she did act out of fear, as she was playing it safe instead of playing brave.

My own perspective is as the title of this thread - "Do not play it safe."

You figured this out from reading the words of another person! The opinion is not yours. It is the opinion of Melissa Etheridge.

There is nothing more codependent that forming an opinion based on what others have to say about someone else.

Bottom line, unless you were a fly on the wall with Angelina Jolie and heard her doctors recommendations based on the testing and family history and her ability to deal with chemo, radiation treatments, breast density, history of other health issues and many other factors that went into her own personal choice you are judging another human being based on your own prejudice and codependent need to be on one side of the argument or the other.

Your opinion and Melissa Etheridge opinion matter not at all. Melissa Etheridge voiced this opinion for the publicity. People in the media spot light are the very definition of publicity addicts.

Quote SB said this = "There is nothing more codependent that forming an opinion based on what others have to say about someone else."

That is NOT correct.

We read a biography book or watch a biography movie and THEN we are forming our opinions of the other people based on what some other people tell us about them.

Plus in a Court-of-Law there are witnesses who testify about another person, and as such we judge and we form our opinions accordingly based on the testimony of another person.

And THE POINT being is NOT that Angelina Jolie did wrong - as that is NOT being said, as it is just that she based her decision on her fear, which is what she herself has told us all.

This story really can be a very useful example for us all, or at least for anyone who truly wants to understand such things.

I know that many codependent people play it safe simply because we view other people as being bigger and stronger than our self, especially abusers and bullies, so that it appears that we can not compete with them and can not win against them, so in this view then playing it safe is sensible and logical and effective, which is why it is common for codependent people to run away from troubled relationships, and hide away from abusers and bullies, which is also why one feels weak and vulnerable and have the low self esteem.

In order to recover and to overcome the dysfunctions then we have to UN-learn the past codependent ways of thinking, and need to learn a completely new way of living where we are not inferior or subordinate or powerless to anyone ever again.

The way to overcome these problems and to become equal (equal with emphasis) to any other person is by giving up on any competition, as there is never to be a competition, and stop trying to win, as winning is an unworthy goal, because by this other perspective then anyone can stop playing it safe.

Competition is an animal instinct, and we need to rise above that:
Link http://drbeetle.homestead.com/compete.html

To succeed is better and different than winning:
Link http://www.humankinetics.com/excerpts/excerpts/success-is-not-winning

Quote = "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety."
~ Ben Franklin

Booky, you have said some very profound things. As someone who was hurt very deeply and repeatedly in romantic love (often because of my own co-dependency), I did gradually learn to "play it safe". Now I am trying to un-learn that behavior and risk love again.

I read the Roosevelt quote about those timid souls who know neither victory OR defeat (because they don't even try). The Bible says something similar. It says we are acceptable as either hot or cold, but if we are LUKEWARM, he will "spew us out of his mouth".

As for Angelina Jolie, I felt very sad when I heard what she had done. It was her decision and hers alone. It was based on fear, BUT I am not calling her a coward! I am not calling her anything. God bless her.

I don't think Angelina acted totally out of fear. Her mother died from the very same, very aggressive form of cancer. By the time the find it it's usually too late to be cured. She has many children to tend, and I think she did what she felt was in hers, and her family's, best interests. She faced her fears and dealt with her issues in the best way she and her doctor felt was necessary.

Personally I think Angelina was very brave to confront the issue. Many people would ignore such a risk and 'hope it goes away'. The latter fear the reality, the decision and the conclusion.

Angelina didn't do that, she confronted it, faced the reality and made a tough decision. I wish I was as brave as she was. (I think I drop into the other category).

I think you play it safe (for now) when you are Angelina Jole and ignore tests and family history and don't have the surgery.

I think you don't play it safe, when you are Angelina Jole and have tests and make an informed decision about your family, your future and your medical health and decide to have the surgery. Having the surgery NOW before you get breast cancer means you recover faster because you are healthier right at this moment.

I also come from a family where breast cancer runs right down my Mom's maternal side and I'm monitored for it. Mom got breast cancer and had a mastectomy of only one breast even though she wanted both breasts taken, but her insurance carrier at that time wouldn't allow her to have the other breast removed. She also didn't want plastic reconstructive surgery.

If you have the breast cancer gene, it's easier to have a mastectomy and recover when the cancer is NOT actively started. The chemo/radiation is very difficult on the patient. If my Mom had the option to do testing for the gene and then have a double mastectomy earlier on before she got breast cancer, she would have gone for it. She lived with me and I took care of her the whole time. I saw what it did to her.

Jole probably had people telling her that the surgery now would mean time off from her career and her volunteer activities and not as much hands-on action with her kids. Some may have said it may even hurt her career. And then there's the recovery time to factor in. It was a lot to consider and take on during the past few months.

So some may think she really wasn't playing it safe right now, but I think she is showing wisdom for the future and bringing about change in the hold up on the gene testing and the decision that they can't be patented and it should open up competition and bring the price down.

I don't believe it was fear at all, as much as it was frustration and anger that relatives were dying from cancer and she was determined that she was going to stop it with her.

I agree with "LivingWaters" as it was fear but that does not make it as cowardice.

A codependency affirmation goes like this = "Courage is fear that says prayers."

Also on the "Wizard of Oz" the Wizard told the Lion that he was mistaking wisdom for cowardice, because to run away from danger is a wise thing to do.

But it is still fear, and there is nothing wrong with having the natural feeling of fear, or having any other feeling.

If one has fear of cancer or of death or of flying or of anything, then we each get to make our own choices as to whether we will respond with courage or with cowardice or with some other emotion.

The emotion is what comes out of us, as we can be brave or not, because anyone can learn how to control our emotional responses.

That is the point.

Very true amd I agree, but Roosevelt's quote does not mean "Do not play it safe".

To be reckless is stupid, to take excessive risks that may cause harm to others is stupid, to knowingly jeopardise ones own safety is stupid etc. etc. We should be careful not to consider recklessness to be some form of bravery.

I think what Roosevelt was actually saying is better phrased in another but shorter quote "It is better to try and to fail, than not to have tried at all."

I think that was Roosevelt's point.

Codependents should try to improve their lives. It may not work, it may fill us with fear, it may require hard work, but we must try.

This version was found written on the wall in Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta:


People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

- This version is credited to Mother Teresa

I think that you are right about taking some risks. It is obvious that you are very intelligent and have a lot of great things to say.

I'd just say that life is a balance. So, calculated risks are probably in a fair medium.

Gosh-all the brains up in here! :-D