Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Detachment - Property Lines
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"A helpful tool in our recovery, especially in the behavior we call detachment, is learning to identify who owns what. Then we let each person own and possess his or her rightful property.
If another person has an addiction, a problem, a feeling, or a self-defeating behavior, that is their property, not ours. If someone is a martyr immersed in negativity, controlling, or manipulative behavior, that is their issue, not ours.
If someone has acted and experienced a particular consequence, both the behavior and the consequence belong to that person.
If some one is in denial or cannot think clearly on a particular issue, that confusion belongs to him or her.
If someone has a limited or impaired ability to love or care, that is his or her property, not ours. If someone has no approval or nurturing to give away, that is that persons property.
People's lies, deceptions, tricks, manipulations, abusive behaviors, inappropriate behaviors, cheating, and tacky behaviors belong to them as well. Not to us.
People's hopes and dreams are their property. Their guilt belongs to them too. Their happiness and misery are also theirs. So are their beliefs and messages.
If some people don't like themselves, that is their choice. And other people's choices are their property, not ours.
What people choose to say and do is their business.
What is our property? Our property includes our behaviors, problems, feelings, happiness, misery, choices and messages; our ability to love, care, and nurture; our thoughts, our denial, our hopes and dreams for ourselves. Whether we allow ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, deceived, or mistreated is our business.
In recovery, we learn an appropriate sense of ownership. If something isn't ours, we don't have to take it. IF we take it, we learn to give it back. We let other people have their property, and we learn to own and take good care of what's ours.
Today, I will work at developing a clear sense of what belongs to me, and what doesn't. If it's not mine, I won't keep it. I will deal with myself, my issues, and my responsibilities. I will take my hands off what is not mine."
From Melodie Beattie's Language of Letting Go.
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"A helpful tool in our recovery, especially in the behavior we call detachment, is learning to identify who owns what. Then we let each person own and possess his or her rightful property.
If another person has an addiction, a problem, a feeling, or a self-defeating behavior, that is their property, not ours. If someone is a martyr immersed in negativity, controlling, or manipulative behavior, that is their issue, not ours.
If someone has acted and experienced a particular consequence, both the behavior and the consequence belong to that person.
If some one is in denial or cannot think clearly on a particular issue, that confusion belongs to him or her.
If someone has a limited or impaired ability to love or care, that is his or her property, not ours. If someone has no approval or nurturing to give away, that is that persons property.
People's lies, deceptions, tricks, manipulations, abusive behaviors, inappropriate behaviors, cheating, and tacky behaviors belong to them as well. Not to us.
People's hopes and dreams are their property. Their guilt belongs to them too. Their happiness and misery are also theirs. So are their beliefs and messages.
If some people don't like themselves, that is their choice. And other people's choices are their property, not ours.
What people choose to say and do is their business.
What is our property? Our property includes our behaviors, problems, feelings, happiness, misery, choices and messages; our ability to love, care, and nurture; our thoughts, our denial, our hopes and dreams for ourselves. Whether we allow ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, deceived, or mistreated is our business.
In recovery, we learn an appropriate sense of ownership. If something isn't ours, we don't have to take it. IF we take it, we learn to give it back. We let other people have their property, and we learn to own and take good care of what's ours.
Today, I will work at developing a clear sense of what belongs to me, and what doesn't. If it's not mine, I won't keep it. I will deal with myself, my issues, and my responsibilities. I will take my hands off what is not mine."
From Melodie Beattie's Language of Letting Go.
thanks again for posting this.
We get out of our homes, out of our own heads, into a physical location where we can look at, hear, hug and get to know other human beings in the flesh. Out of that comes telephone calls, sponsorship and eventually, doing service at the meetings, which helps keep us coming back to those meetings. Service to others in recovery means we make coffee, buy literature, serve as secretary or treasurer of the meeting, with obligations that hold us accountable to that group we have agreed to serve.
We take this experience out of the recovery rooms and into our workplace, homes, families and friendships. We learn how to rotate being the leader, fulfill our obligations to others, become honest and accountable when we make mistakes, and learn what is our job to do, and what is someone else's job to do. We don't fix a problem that isn't in our job description, and we keep our hands and our minds on our own business.
That's why, as great as an on-line CoDA meeting may be, or as comforting as it is to participate on this DS board, it is not intended to be a CoDA meeting, and it does not afford the same opportunity as 12-step meetings, fellowship and service provide. That's why those of us who attend meetings, keep talking about their importance. Hugs to all.