Welcome to the site! It has been a huge support to me and I'm sure you'll find it very useful. I too have similar problems with relationships, like you. The men I date gradually become my focus point and I neglect my own needs totally and excuse abusive demeaning behaviour from them because I need to be loved so badly. I'm single at the moment and trying hard not to be tempted back into dating out of loneliness....I've joined a womans supper club, a walk club and am trying to see my female friends regularly. Its hard work but I hope I've made progress. Keep posting and i'll keep supporting. x

Hi,

Sometimes I visualize what I feel like I am lacking as a hole, an emptiness that I am trying to fill. And there is nothing external that will do it, including people. It is inside, but I have acted like it is outside, trying to control situations, people, external events and reacting to all of them as well.

I have been reading a few books, one of them is the Key to Living the Law of Attraction. The idea in that book is that what we focus on and think about, we manifest in our lives. If we are throwing out negative energy, that is being returned to us.

Start with books like CoDependent No More, and also focusing on yourself. Focus on your thoughts, interests, things you like to do, how you want to live your life. Think about the kind of "perfect" day that you would have for yourself. I would bet being verbally abused would not be part of that vision.

Good Luck!

Shar

I think the key to it is just learning about you. What are the things you like to do? What are your pleasures and dreams? Where do you want to go on holiday? Name 25 great things all about you. We always look to others for validation and approval but if we look inside ourselves we will find true love. Learn to dust yourself off and tell yourself you are not that bad. Maybe you made some mistakes but you are not a mistake. Unconditional love of yourself is the key and the way forward. There are good people here especially the two people above who left comments who have given great support. Learning to love yourself will give you the proper boundaries. Unfortunately some people you meet will not be any good for you. That is fine because if you hold tight someone will notice and you would have broken the cycle. Not one of us deserves to be mistreated and we owe it to ourselves to step up to the plate and be willing to change. I wish you well and take care.

You expressed so well how I feel. I have been verbally abused for years and I think it works in two ways...
1) like water off a ducks back we shrug it off and go on , where healthy people wouldn't
2) deep down we probably believe we deserve it.
I don't know how to help you but to tell you I understand and know there is a better way. Hang in there...hugs