I have been with my husband for 6 years and have been aware of my codependent behaviours for about 10 months now but haven't done much about it except read books and lots of online articles. 

My husband is a real bag of tricks. He's handsome, smart, funny and gambles, is alcoholic and has other behavioural problems, mainly to do with obsessing on things and anger. Earlier this year it was synthetic cocaine as well, he managed to get hold of some and was off his goat on it a lot of the time and making trouble in the family business. It seems whenever he has help offered to him he either rejects it or refuses it.

He is supposed to be on Naltrexone, while he was taking that there was a lot of stability in his life and when he did gamble it was small amounts, as opposed to thousands, but he heard from the doctor that there was an antidepressant that would "increase motivation and help him give up gambling and other addictions" (bullshit!) and he has become addicted to the antidepressant, acts like a crazy person when he tries to cut down on it, refuses to take his Naltrexone with it and the effect of alcohol on him seems to be amplified.

I have recently moved out to a friends house. When I was living with him, a few nights a week he would get drunk and go nuts rampaging around the house, main issue for me being that I have started a new job and he would not let me sleep. He would play loud music, sing along with it and  then come into the bedroom and shake me awake every so often. Sometimes he would take off in his car or grab a train to the casino, then sober up, and I would get a phone call asking me to come pick him up from whereever he was.  This was where I started to really handle my codependent behaviour, I would not go pick him up.

Anyway, things came to a head and i moved out. His family gave him 4 weeks off work on an allowance of sorts (he has no further sick leave or holiday pay) to sort his life out and are happy to pay for a psychologist to work with him, help he says he will take but has only gone to one therapy appointment. He has 3 weeks left and after that they will cut him off entirely. The allowance is paid into my bank account and I allocate it to rent, utilities and groceries. The family thinks that doing this will help him by taking away the gambling, the alcohol, and give him a chance to recover himself. All I see is codependent behaviour but I guess it's one last chance for him.

So that's the background and the situation. I have noticed that whenever I start to disconnect and untangle my self from his problems, for instance, he has been hassling me for alcohol. When I say hassle, I mean tantrumming like a small child and following me around the house repeating "C'mon, just a six pack! Just a couple of long necks!" in a whiny voice over and over until I lose it and actually scream at him like a mad woman. In the end, in a calm phone call  I said "If you ask me again I will leave (as in end the visit)" and I have stuck by my word and he doesn't ask me for alcohol when I visit. I'm working on not reacting emotionally when he accuses me of affairs, not being drawn into his dramas. 

The problem seems to be that he seems to need to be creating drama and causing chaos in everyone's lives and if he's not he makes something up. It feels like an attention seeking behaviour, if I'm getting into work and a rhythym of live BAM there's some crazy drama to try to pull me back to him. Is it my imagination? Does anyone know what I'm up against here? I think the hardest part is yet to come, when he is homeless and jobless - although it's likely his mother will take him in, she has so many times in the past (not my problem).